[thoughts from ~burning woman~ as expressed by Sha’Tara]
When I dare myself to write about the concept of compassion, what am I thinking? What am I feeling? What are my motives?
I thought I should enter into that monologue, it’s crucially important, I think.
Check: trying to impress?
I looked at that possibility, for pride is one of those vices adept at boldly walking through unlocked back doors or slinking through a partially open window, picking the most comfortable chair in the sitting room and saying, “Ah, this is home.” I have had my days, long ago, when this was the case. I have known popularity and experienced a degree of “fandom” which people smarter than I exploited. Pride sustained me… and damn near killed me. So today I can unequivocally say, “No, it is not pride that is driving my thoughts and desires now.” I can’t work with pride. It hurts me whenever it hovers near.
Check: the need to be believed?
There is no denying that “to be believed” is a powerful motivator. I could easily change how I approach the subject of compassion in ways that bring individuals into my own created wake of thoughts, and locally, into my commitments and deeds. I could start a group, a movement, register a “charitable” organization, raise money, etc. Not difficult when you know how and you’ve been trained in it. So I take a long and deep look at my motives and again I can say, I’ve been there; so many have been there, gained a following, and for what? Did those followers benefit at all? Did their lives change when they became followers? Not at all. A follower is just that. A follower remains unempowered and worse, becomes more dis-empowered, filled with self-doubts.
Check: the hope that I can be the cause of palpable change?
That sounds quite altruistic, doesn’t it? I could claim, “not for me, but for the good of (fill in the blanks)” and what comes next if I discover that yes, I did cause some change? The unavoidable Siren call for more. Success, however small, calls for more success. It’s the System, how it works. The Matrix doesn’t care if you do good or evil, it’s all the same when it becomes personal, and important. Note that word: important. Once we reach some level of importance, it becomes self-importance: there’s that hubris. I may not acknowledge that I care, but everything in me, and around me, will demand that I produce more of this success. Inevitable. So, do I want to see palpable change from my own words or deeds? No, not ever. It is not for me to see it, or hear of it.
Check: the “need” to feel special, holy, superior?
Good question. Why do I leave working for myself, eschew gainful work to go help a stranger in need who can’t afford to repay me? What’s really behind that? I have been a very religious person and I remember what was lurking behind my “good deeds” then. There always was an agenda. I wasn’t primarily helping, I was fishing for conversions. There is only one word to describe that: hypocrisy. The sin of the “Pharisees” in the gospels, but we were very good at hiding that from our own motivation. So, do I want to feel those things? I do feel them, sure, but I can state truthfully that I reject those feelings. I am not special, “holy” or superior. I am a servant with no other title. I know this and I accept that this self-chosen path is the only way I will ever come to a blending of personality with compassion.
What has this changed life demonstrated to me over the last decades? That every day can be “Christmas” in the giving sense. I learned what giving is all about, and what it does to me. So… I give, and give, and give and am I depleted, either of resources or personal energy? Not at all. I am like a tree planted at the edge of a great desert, growing tall and strong because every night an “angel” comes and pours water over my roots. That “angel” is compassion and in time he and I will become as one and it is I who will carry the watering can that never empties.
There is no denying that I “want” something; that I have an agenda. But what I have chosen to desire can in no way cause harm to anyone or anything else – while I am fully engaged in my quest. Compassion is as superior to all other “virtues” as “heaven” would be from “hell.” Many would, and will, deny this. They will bring up “love” as another means of changing oneself, or the world. Perhaps they will bring up other “virtues” to challenge my claim that only compassion can work without harming. Only compassion.
How is compassion different from love which is considered the greatest of all virtues? Only those who have made their purpose to literally become compassion can know the simple answer to that. For others it must remain words, semantics, and their endless interpretations. For all others, no explanation can ever satisfy, or be acceptable.
Check: compassion is self-empowered. It is a “stand alone” program that once fully integrated into the individual, becomes its sole operating system. Compassion does not come surrounded by a bevy of other virtues. Compassion is not reciprocal – those who talk about these things seem to completely miss, or ignore, this crucial point. It means that compassion requires no support from anything or anyone. It needs no confirmation. It has absolutely no expectation of any positive or even negative, results. A compassionate individual doesn’t care about results; doesn’t need affirmation or confirmation. She just “does it” because that is her nature. Will she be praised, ignored, reviled? None of that matters.
Let me quote from one of the Teachers, again: “When none of it matters, it will all be yours.” (YLea of the WindWalkers) They never explained this, and that was long before I decided I would be an avatar of compassion. I simply did not know there was a connection but now I do. None of “it” matters to me, and now I know what “it will all be yours” means. It means taking responsibility for all of it. It means to allow myself to be turned inside out and become an empath. It means becoming a compassionate human and no turning back, whatever comes.
What more could I say, today? Through a willingness to “serve” without asking questions I have become a gift unto myself. A sobering thought, that.