In Love Again

[a poem, by Sha’Tara]

Did I really say
I’ll never fall in love again?
Never marry someone truly special?
Did I say that?
Oh but I lied didn’t I?
I didn’t know I was lying,
of course not.
I was sure,
I meant what I said that day
When I walked out of that office,
the lawyer had pronounced,
‘You are officially divorced.’
what did I feel
but an overwhelming a sense of relief
and we laughed in the restaurant
over a quiet dinner.

The years went swiftly by
afterwards,
in my big empty house.
I hardly noticed
the fading paint;
the heater making more noise.
Some lights burned out
I left them
I didn’t need them, did I?
There were so many other rooms
where the children had been:
I just needed to dust
and change the sheets
on one small bed.

But now I must confess
I’ve fallen in love again
and I’m going to marry.
This time I’m sure
it’s not a mistake.
This time I give up
everything;
this time I don’t look back;
this time
when I say, ’till death do us part’
I won’t be lying
my new lover,
and I do love him,
is death.

 

 

32 thoughts on “In Love Again

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Good question. I’d like to but he won’t set a date yet. I have a feeling he’s not being totally faithful… 🙂

      Reply
      1. gaya577

        Szeretett Sha’Tara én úgy godolom, az érzéseidről személyesen kell meggyőződni, felvállalva azt, hogy bármi megtörténhet. A kétségek sokszor, rossz útra vezetnek. Szeretlek, és kívánom, hogy az érzésedre, az igaz szerelem legyen a válasz.

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thank you for expressing those nice sentiments, Frank. Death may not be the great ogre he’s made out to be. Sure he’s possessive but after the honeymoon you’re free to leave if you want to. It’s not like he doesn’t have others to pick from… 🙂

      Reply
  1. Rosaliene Bacchus

    Now that’s an unexpected punchline in the gut. In the event that I don’t get the opportunity to say goodbye, Sha’Tara, I wish you endless peace and joy with your new lover ❤

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thank you Rosaliene. It should prove interesting, especially the honeymoon. Did you ever see the movie, Meet Joe Black? Of course in that story the intended bride didn’t know her lover was Death.

      Reply
      1. Sha'Tara Post author

        Thank you, Shera. Not a “new” lover, but it is indeed, Death! Who else can we be so sure of? It is, also, poetry, but I always use my poetry to illustrate a thought – or almost always!
        {Grazie, Shera. Non un ‘nuovo’ amante, ma è davvero la Morte! Di chi altro possiamo essere così sicuri? È anche poesia, ma uso sempre la mia poesia per illustrare un pensiero – o quasi sempre!}

  2. kertsen

    Darkling I listen ; and, for many a time
    I have been half in love with easeful Death,
    Called him soft names in many a mused rhyme,
    To take into the air my quiet breath;
    Now more than ever seems it rich to die ,
    To cease upon the midnight with no pain ,
    While thou art pouring forth thy soul abroad
    In such an ecstasy!
    Still wouldst thou sing, and I have ears in vain—
    To thy high requiem become a sod.

    Really Keats feared annihilation as the last few lines make clear , life was something special to him in the last resort, yet he died at twenty five.

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      The “fear of annihilation” is common to mankind, having lost its connection to an infinite cosmos. It is hard to die young unless one has the visions before hand, explaining the process called death. If death, as in annihilation, is thought of as the end of it all then it is a very sad thing to face at any age, with or without the stiff upper lip. We who do not die but only have periodic dates with the gate keeper, death being a revolving door, not an end, aren’t so concerned. I have been living in what I term “sudden death overtime” for many years already. I certainly never expected, after one near-death experience (as they are called) at thirty-three, to have to remain here this long. There are certainly better places, better worlds, better conditions. You get ‘eager’ at times, ‘jumpy’ and even nervous. You want to get it over with and move on to the next adventure.

      Unfortunately you can’t learn unless you stay on the job. My many and detailed past lives memories and Teachings from the cosmos have contributed to making me into a developing empath. Though that is a difficult journey on a world such as this, it did force me to consider compassion as a way of life. As the civilized world becomes increasingly corrupt, violent and evil (yes, there is evil!) empathy can tear one’s heart apart when left to its own devices. It can change innocence to guilt; love to hate; peace of mind to throbbing anger. Compassion is the only antidote I know that actually works but it requires constant work to discover its true purpose and the power behind it. That’s a power the status quo does not want anyone to discover for herself/himself!

      So, yes, I do long for death as a reprieve and much needed relief from the bottomless ocean of pain that is the sorrow of earth. At the same time this “hell world” has taught me some lessons that will never be forgotten. I didn’t learn these things because this world wanted me to become a better person, far from that, but because I received outside information that changed me. For those who choose compassion as their life’s purpose, earth isn’t a crib, it’s a crucible.

      The English language, which I had to learn some years back, often reveals interesting relationships of words. Earth: dearth, death.
      Dearth as applying to the scarcity of properly applied morality which can only be understood by a compassionate person. Death as applying to the end results for all life on this planet.

      Reply
      1. kertsen

        I will be honest I see the ‘ revolving door ‘ as a sort of religious escape and have to settle for the ‘ stiff upper lip’. I see myself as making room for those to come and try their hand at living.

      2. Sha'Tara Post author

        That is entirely a personal choice since there is no apparent proof either way. My “problem” is that I’ve gone through that revolving door, not only very briefly in this life, but in my many past lives detailed remembrances. The way I’ve explained it to the curious is, life is all about choice. I can choose to die and live again, or I can choose, as you are doing, annihilation at death when what you were, so it was explained to me, isn’t destroyed but parcelled out.

        Your thoughts, or whatever you learned and did, based on their worth, are taken over by other entities for their own use. You still “exist” in a sense only you have no longer any awareness. Like the brain in the machine so to speak. You no longer possess the individuality that allows you to keep it together as yours. I spent my entire life working on this problem as central to becoming a full human being.

        There is a “system” on earth that seeks to destroy the uniqueness of the individual and that sickness permeates into the mind itself. There is a power here that doesn’t want us to become fully self-aware as mind beings, forcing the majority to see themselves as functions instead of purpose. How can anyone choose and carry on an individual purpose if it all ends at death and an Earthian life is so infinitesimally short? But function, a synonym for slavery, works.

        The job or profession concept is based on function. You’re born with a set of chains, a few more are added, including those you add up of your own “free” will when you “join up” as a full-fledged member of society. You exist for a few decades that way, then are allowed, sometimes, to trade in your heavy chains for lighter ones called retirement. You’re so “into” the system by then you are usually no threat to that which rules any longer, so you can carry those chains to the coffin, and end of story. That may satisfy some but was never going to be acceptable to me. I smelled a rat in the rat race, and it wasn’t so hard to find. The hard part was playing the pretence role of being a part of the rat race while exposing it and mocking it. “Believe all things, believe in nothing!” 🙂

  3. A writer from the East

    Very interesting read and well put end.
    I feel that divorce is also a kind of death, because when love dies between two people and they divorce, its the death of their relationship, sorry for my ramblings!

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thank you. That’s not what I’d call rambling. I ramble!!! Actually, I have to disagree with you on the divorce. If it’s a gradual recognition that both need to go their own ways, divorce (I’m a veteran of 3) can turn into beautiful friendships; a situation that the constraints of marriage made impossible. The problem with marriage is that both partners as a rule make the assumption that they have some rights over the other and it becomes an intolerable institution of control. Friendship allows each to give full expression to their preferred lifestyle without preventing them from continuing to support or help one another. That’s my experience. I did have to offer the olive branch after the divorce and make it clear that I would be there if needed, but only if needed, and the other’s private life was none of my business. Also and clearly, after the divorce sex was not on the menu.

      Reply

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