That Feeling, it will not Leave

Where do you hail from,
you shattering feeling
flying on wings of doom,
harbinger of sapping horror?

It all seems so perfect right now,
the sky is pure, clear and blue
and high noonday sun sparkles,
distant snow-capped hills.

Spring arrives,  a bit unsure,
Winter birds actively seek
elusive bugs and sluggish worms
among pink buds and greenings.

Surely senses don’t lie so,
all must be well with the world
bathed, exploding, in delight
of so much beauty and peace.

But that feeling, it is not leaving.
There’s pain in my heart,
my food tastes of sawdust;
childhood nightmares are back.

19 thoughts on “That Feeling, it will not Leave

  1. thereckoning12

    Love it! The fine balance btw. Knowing and sensing, feeling and remembering, intuition, instinct and regret/fear?

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thanks for your comment. It is definitely a kind of “fear” though I cannot source it. Something hidden from me. Usually such feelings are portents of something in the near future. It could be sudden, unexpected bad news, or it could be just the unease caused by awareness of the downfall of our global society. Foreboding, as George puts it, yes.

      Reply
    2. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thanks for your comment, George. Foreboding, I think you’re right on the money on that one. I wish I could “see” what about, but maybe it’s better not to know.

      Reply
  2. kertsen

    The year’s at the spring ,
    And day’s at the morn;
    Morning’s at seven;
    The hill-side’s dew-Pearl’d;
    The lark’s on the wing;
    The snail’s on the thorn;
    God’s in His heaven—
    All’s right with the world!

    Reply
      1. kertsen

        The young and careless put aside the troubles of the world and dance to their own tune . Lamb’s gambol , young foxes rough and tumble , children play hopscotch on the pavement. The great question is can we carry the troubles of the world on our shoulders ? and is it wise to do so ? The great contrast between Christ and the Buddha ; one bearing the sins of all the world the other slipping away to Nirvana.

      2. Sha'Tara Post author

        If we are not “the Christ” or “the Buddha” then who or what are we, and what purpose do we serve? Born to pleasure doesn’t seem to fit the vast majority. I think humanity, using the term as it is used here, has deliberately evaded its responsibility as it became either gifted, or evolved, the sense of right and wrong way to engage life. We are all either Christs or Buddhas or mindless automatons going through the motions of life but having none; being but spectators in a pointless game of chance. My opinion.

      3. kertsen

        Sha’ Tara you are a genuine worryer but you cannot carry the world upon your shoulders no more than I or anyone else can ; relax and lead your life as best you can. Life is not black and white but many shades of grey, neither is it a pointless game of chance although chance has a part to play. The world at any instant in time is an interplay of the wills and desires of the creatures alive in it.
        ‘ Time , like an ever- rolling stream bears all its sons away,
        They fly forgotten as a dream dies at the break of day.’

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      True that, but aren’t senses the harbingers of feelings? (And feelings, of emotions, emotions, of irrational behaviour?);-)

      Reply
  3. Lisa R. Palmer

    I want to comment on this. I want to add to it, somehow. Explain, extrapolate, speculate… But your poem says it all already. Something is coming, the foreboding not limited to you, and the “future” almost deliberately obscured to those of us who occasionally catch glimpses of it.

    But by whom? And for what purpose?

    I have the growing, sinking feeling that I’ve placed the blinders on myself, to keep me calm during the “emergence” of what is developing. But my “chills” have now become constant stomach cramps, and fleeting anxiety attacks.

    I guess that it will be what it will be, and there is nothing more to do but wait impatiently for “it” to reveal itself. And then, only then, will we be “free” to act “appropriately”… (The quotes added themselves, so to speak. Lol! Perhaps a clue in word choice, or simply the key/trigger words I want myself to remember later…)

    Reply
  4. Sha'Tara Post author

    Thanks for your comment, Lisa. This is but my opinion here but we can wait for some denouement that leaves us disempowered and victims of happenstance, or we can engage the future based on our intelligence, gathered experiences and observations and more importantly our developing sense of empathy. “The future’s not ours to see” is a deliberate lie; the entire song is a lie designed at the time to create the new monster: the “Walmart/McDonalds” selfish and obese consumer; the dutifully irresponsible; that creature that has brought us our current reality never realizing, caring even less, about its complacency, collusion and complicity with “evil” forces of immeasurable greed and pshychopathy which inexorably led to a Donald Trump in a severely tarnished “White” house. Ah, poor little girl! Ah, poor little world!

    Reply
  5. Woebegone but Hopeful

    All is indeed well with the World. Life is born and Life dies. Mountains are born out of the mammoth movements of the mechanics of the world, they are ground down by similar.
    We can chose how to approach that. Whatever we do, The World waits only on the Cosmos.

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thank you for commenting, Akhila. It’s still “here” and I’m still “tasting it” as such. Basically it’s a sense of malaise to do with the times; the global situation as I observe it changing, seldom for the better. I don’t expect to be ever quite free of this feeling, not in this life anyway!

      Reply

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