Looking for, Searching, Seeking, Questing

[thoughts from ~burning woman~ ]

When we go looking for something, either it’s something we want, need, or it could be something we misplaced, or lost. Either we find it, or we find a replacement and life goes on. Soon enough we forget we ever even went looking.

When we engage a search, whatever it is we may be searching for, there is the certainty that we will find something. Sometimes, that something will so surprise us it will eclipse whatever caused us to begin our search in the first place. Such a serendipitous happening we will tend to remember as some kind of magical intervention in our life.

Seeking is a deeper engagement, with the staunch and upholding hope, and faith, that whatever we are seeking for, we will find if we are diligent and do not get sidetracked to the point where we lose interest in the dream, for seeking must involve dreaming.

Questing is entirely different. Unlike looking for, searching, or seeking, questing does not entail fulfilment. A quest, by its very nature, can never be attained for it is a path; a way of life, not a goal to be reached. If it is completed; if the object of the quest is found, or reached, it wasn’t a quest but a seeking.

Deep down inside me, no matter where I’ve stood in my long years of turmoil trying to put “closed” to determining whether life is terminal or eternal, I worked out a philosophy that allowed me to know the answer to that vexing problem. It was quite simple, actually. All I had to do was find a life purpose that required eternity in order to make sense of it. To engage this purpose I had to completely switch my thinking regarding life. I needed to find that elusive “something” that even death could not put an end to. I didn’t want to cheat death, or conquer it, or end it, as in the John Donne’s cry, “Death, thou shalt die!”

I stopped asking “What is life?” and began asking, “What is my purpose within that which I call life?” I knew the first question could not be answered honestly though any number of guesses would fit the bill yet remain non-answers. But the second question brought it home to me. I made myself “life” and from that awareness I could but ask, “What is my purpose here?” I didn’t have to ask “Who am I” anymore because from here on I would be a different person moment after moment. What I believed today I might very well laugh at tomorrow. It no longer mattered “who” I was; it mattered what I was and what I would become as I travelled the omniverse and the cosmos.

I had passed the religious stage where some saviour divinity would determine my worth, or check my credentials at death’s door and give me a fail or pass. Childish and definitely superstitious. I had also passed the stage I describe as “Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die” – a common enough belief in today’s post-Christian world that would never keep my questing mind satisfied.

If I could find and define a purpose for myself that required an eternity to make sense of then I would have found the key to eternal life through self empowerment. That, however, had to remain securely beyond any fit accusation of hubris. Thus I had to reject the New Agey belief that “I am God” or that we are all gods. This is so obviously false, it’s laughable. Can I produce a miracle on demand? By miracle, I mean something that clearly defies all the laws and rules of nature as we understand them. Could I give an amputee a new arm, or leg? Could I bring someone who’d been in a coma for years back into the land of the normal living? Could I raise the dead? Make a blind person see? No. But neither can those who believe in Christ, for example, even though they have a scriptural promise that they would be able to do such things. I had to know that it was not a matter of being divine, or having faith in some divinity. It would have to be more!

This quest, or purpose as I call it, had to be totally reasonable, totally doable by absolutely anyone. It would have to be seen as relatively normal in an everyday kind of world. It would be a way of life that could be observed, even experienced by those “others” it touched yet would never call for hero worship, desire to be followed (as a guru or teacher for example) or freak anybody out by outlandish words or performance. It would remain non-threatening; it’s effectiveness hidden in simple self-effacing outworking. It wouldn’t ask, wouldn’t preach, wouldn’t proselytize and if some impressionable person became attracted to the one living this purpose, they would be told to seek their own way.

This purpose would not be the making of a path for others to follow upon. If, for some it had a way-shower quality, they would be reminded that it was based on self empowerment, never on believing or following. ‘If it seems good to you, emulate certainly, but do it of your own desires; of your own power; for your own reasons.’

No one could ever follow, buy or believe their way here. There is no path given to anyone that requires abdicating one’s own selfhood. Anything that makes such a claim is a deadly error, hence, in conclusion, all organized religions and their imitators, are deadly impositions upon this mind-darkened world.

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou thinkst thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow
And soonest our best men with thee do go
Rest of their bones and soul’s delivery.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppies or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke. Why swellst thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die!
(John Donne)

29 thoughts on “Looking for, Searching, Seeking, Questing

  1. Woebegone but Hopeful

    Hi Sha’ Tara.
    Aside from the fact that we an’t never going to agree on details on the religious aspect, I can see an accord here.
    There has been much written and speculated about Life (or has some would have it The Illusion of Life) and the purpose of Life or does Life has a purpose and so on.
    Personally this has never been a question for me. Life? Life is here and Life is there. Life is part of the Cosmology of The Universe as a whole. We therefore, here, on this Planet are one small part of whole. So we are brought into the World Physical and we are here until for one of many reasons our bodies cease to function, and then……
    Ah……
    In the meantime, in this World Physical, we live. And if we are fortunate to be living in such an area of the planet we have opportunities to grow inside.
    Yet some strive to inflict misery on others.
    And some try to light up the world with Compassion, Respect and Tolerance.
    Long may the latter continue.

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thanks for your comment, Roger. Quote: “And some try to light up the world with Compassion, Respect and Tolerance. Long may the latter continue.” Indeed!

      May I point out, and perhaps a point of discussion, that the moment we enter compassion in our interactions, that it becomes redundant to add mention of respect, tolerance, even love, since of necessity these must  be entirely a part of the compassionate life?

      Reply
      1. Woebegone but Hopeful

        Ah, that would be the ex-uk Civil Servant in me. Making a phrase to allow no one to pick holes in what I am saying, Compassion, Respect and Tolerance, so no misanthrope can start wittering on about caring for folk but not liking them, or something?….Oh they do go on!
        Of late I’ve had it to the allegorical here (places hand above forehead) with the extreme bitterness, unkindness and general ignorance displayed by groups on both Right and Left….. I’m on my way to becoming a political pacifist particularly in UK politics….which means I have a big problem when it comes to the next vote, because I passionately believe in the duty to vote. Conservative and Labour -our big parties? No thanks!

      2. Sha'Tara Post author

        Thanks for commenting, Roger. I remember well, lo those many years ago when engaging the subject of “love” in church discussion groups. “You can love someone but you don’t have to like them” was a common response to loving the unlovable. One of those many twisted and false arguments to get out of a tight situation. What kind of love would that be? I used to wonder. I just re-watched an episode of “Foyle’s War” in which the farmer is discovered to have murdered his wife to prevent her from leaving the farm to go off with her lover. Years later the grown son, upon discovering the truth of his mother’s disappearance says this of his father: “He really must have loved her” unable to see the contradiction.  Wonder not why I chose compassion as a way of life: it leaves no room for such interpretation. If it does, it isn’t compassion. Within all the lies, innuendos and chaotic confusion that defines life on earth there had to exist at least one incorruptible shining gem of wisdom philosophy.

        As for the duty to vote, I resolved that simply by putting myself on the ballot of every and any election and I vote for myself – as an avatar of compassion. I’m satisfied that I am fulfilling the intent of the “law” in the matter as then I proceed to live my life as a public servant, self-supporting and self empowered. “The stone rejected by the stone masons has become the capstone.”

      3. Woebegone but Hopeful

        Hi Sha’ Tara.
        When emotions start to overlap the complexity becomes as difficult to grasp as anything Quantum Physics can produce.
        One of the other layers which muddies things up is when folk start to ascribe trendy labels to situations to suit their purposes. Such as
        ‘Ooh you’re being defensive’- which translates into ‘Heck I didn’t expect you to argue back so forcibly at me…you were supposed to lie down and accept my words’
        Or the annoying ‘passive-aggressive’ label which is splattered about the place and is used by folk who basically want to say:
        ‘You’re not supposed to reply politely to me. I was expecting you to rant and rave to fit a stereotype’
        Too many folk think themselves smart being using labels without embracing the understanding of the concept.
        Turning to voting, yeh I’d go for your stance, that works for me. Sometimes the duty falls on the individual to do the best they can, as they can, how they can, when they can.
        Best wishes to you,
        Roger

  2. rawgod

    GM, S’T, I would love to give you some of my understandings (opinions, yet more than opinions) which, as you say, are for people to agree with if they want, or reject if they want, but hopefully designed to make them think… as you say, for themselves…
    I’ll start with the question you mentioned was unanswerable, because I think I can answer that after a fashion, but it actually requires two levels. First, the microcosm, or individual life on the physical or earthly plane: Life is that which comes into being, grows, and eventually ends. (I am not a scientist, so I do not know if germs, bacteria, viruses and such actually change in size during their lifetimes, but I presume they must in some way, because they are alive, meaning they come into being and eventually reach an end as do all other living beings, and growth is inherent in that process. Then there is the second level, the macrocosmic level, which looks at life on every level there can be. Life is one (one individual, indivisible) who may or may not have come into being (as we understand that term), one who may or may not have an end (as we understand that term), but one that grows, however you want to understand that term. (I understand it on what I call the spiritual plane, meaning that while that growth may or may not be a physical growth, it is definitely growing in its understanding of itself.)
    Which leads to your second question, What is the purpose of life? For this question I have a simple answer, only one word, growth. But that word, growth, has so many connotations as to be almost inexplicable. Growth of the body is inherent, but growth of the mind is only a hope, while growth of the spirit is something to strive for. What we experience as life in the microcosm, is the macrocosm’s way of searching, or more likely seeking, if I understand your definitions.
    Growth can mean physical growth, but it also means progress. Life started on Earth (and likely anywhere else it exists) as one-celled beings, neither plant nor animal. Over the billions of years life has existed on Earth, it has progressed from one-celled to multi-billion-celled, and during that time life has broadened it’s mental capabilities and spiritual understandings. But it hasn’t done so as much collectively as it has done do individually., which then bordered on collectively. Different individuals made changes or discoveries that affected the growth of others.
    Therefore I agree with you wholeheartedly that there can be as many understandings of life and purpose as there are I dividuals upon the physical plane, but yet there is the one individual, Life, on the spiritual plane who is taking everything and putting it together like a universal jigsaw puzzle, for its own betterment, and for the betterment of all.
    So, having taken up enough of your space for now, I will take my leave, leaving behind my opinions, which, as I said, are designed to hopefully make others think…

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thanks for your thoughtful comment, Jerry. The word “growth” is fraught with pitfalls and misconceptions. In capitalistic parlance, growth means more of that which the capitalist desires: more stuff, more money, more profit, more control, more power. We continue to labour under the illusion that such a drive is a positive factor in developing human life. Such growth is cancerous, as we could all readily see and apprehend if we wanted to see and apprehend!

      The problem with this approach to growth is we are so caught up in it we fail to reason the “end” part. As you say, that which grows, ends. At least on the microcosmic (earth) scale.  On the macrocosmic scale, seems to me that “growth” may not be the best way to describe the process we assume to be expansionist. Is it “safe” to assume that since we observe expansion, or growth, in the material/physical world, we should ascribe same process to spirit/life?

      In all of the movement we are a part of, seems to me something has to remain stable, a foundation, a source, a centre that holds firm so that should a disaster happen in the moving parts it can all be re-started again. So, in my cosmology, “spirit” is that which does not change; does not expand or grow. It observes, absorbs information, transmutes these and sends it all out again to push for change, but outside of itself. There is a part of life which I capitalize as Life, therefore, that remains immutable. It’s the part I never need to concern myself about because if/when the disaster occurs, as an aware and connected part of Life I will be drawn back into that immutable Source, then when the new plans are complete and it begins anew, “I” will be an agent in it. Eternity. That is what I mean when I speak of purpose.

      Reply
      1. rawgod

        After reading your thoughts, S’T, I guess I should be defining my terms better, but I really don’t want to. You bring up other meanings of growth, and that is your privilege. You did not mention the word progress, but going down the paths you did for growth, those same paths can be used for progress, or even for improvement. Evolution, as per Charles Darwin, can have a dark side too, so I canot even go there. But yet all those words have a quality to them that talks to becoming more than when you started, better than you were. But in what way better, more evolved? Well, that is for each one of us to decide for ourselve.
        As for Life being immutable, that can only be a dead-end in my mind. Some wise person, some say Heraclitus of Ephesus back before even Socrates, said “change is the only constant,” and I have to agree with him as far as these few words go. Nothing in life stays the same, especially Life. I agree that Life is eternal, at least as far as we can understand that term, but I believe, as you know, Life started out as a blank slate, knowing nothing at all. It had not even awareness of self, as we have talked about before. It has changed over time, due to what life on the physical plane has experienced, but it has only gone as far as life on the physical plane has experienced. We know it has a lot farther yet to go, and while that is a long way off, it is only the tidbit that life on the physical plane can understand. How much more is there that we cannot understand?
        You imply that you want to know that life will go on, even if we on this physical plane blow ourselves up, and cease to be. Life, as I envision it, does not exist merely on the physical plane, and even were this universe we believe we live in to reach its end, Life would go on, because it is not confined to this universe. The spiritual realm I can envision , though not fully understand, is completely apart from our domain. Our lives can and do end, spiritual Life cannot and will not.
        But it still must change, and grow, and evolve, spiritually if not in any other way. Can our lives have a purpose, but Life not have a purpose? In my mind, that would be impossible, because we are Life, in the microcosm, and therefore any quality we have, Life also has, and vice versa.
        That is what my life has taught me, but no one else has lived my life. What your life has taught you, only you can know. Obviously they are different things, different pieces of the cosmic jigsaw puzzle. And we are only two beings out of quadrillions or quintillions of beings on just one planet. The number of opinions is utterly staggering, but yet they exist, but yet we exist…

      2. Sha'Tara Post author

        Thanks for your comment here, Jerry. This has all the makings of a great discussion, as long as we agree to disagree on some “unknowable but to the self” fundamentals.

        I understand the “change is the only constant in the universe” idea. Seems so, from observation. But note he spoke of the universe, not the Cosmos. If we come out of the backyard swimming pool and jump into the ocean, a lot of things are going to be different and we should be ready to accept that! The apparent/made/created order is suited to constant change; could not operate otherwise since immutability at that level is called entropy. The pool can crack and lose its water, or it can be drained. We can doctor its waters to suit our needs, chemicals and heat for example. Not so the ocean. We can adapt the pool to our desires but we must adapt ourselves to the ocean’s reality.

        Observation reveals that everything of the physical order is “borrowed” from an unknown source. That unknown has many definitions and attributes. Some call it God, some Yggdrasil; I call it Life. Generically it is “the Source.” It seems logical to me that something dependent upon mutability to function must have an immutable Source else there is neither stability nor point or purpose to anything.

        Intelligence does not build a thing with the idea that it will destroy it, or it will self-destruct. It builds with the idea that the thing will, to use your terminology, grow and progress. What that means though, depends upon said Source, doesn’t it. What does it desire its “creation” grow, or progress, into? It doesn’t appear, on the surface of things that such has anything to do with us. But what if it does? What if we are the determining factor of how the “creation” develops? What if we’ve been given that much power but we’ve been robbed of our awareness of it, or like Esau, we sold that birthright long ago to fake gods who now use our own power to make us slaves of chaos, disease and death? I find such thoughts to be legitimate.

        In your cosmology it seems necessary that everything have a starting point, even Life, and therefore Life begins within the tabula rasa. As a blank slate. That would include Spirit also. If that is the case then “eternity” is not a viable quest: what begins from scratch much of necessity end. Only that which has no beginning can have no end.

        We, as ISSA (intelligent, sentient and self aware) creatures possess three elements that determine where we fit in the cosmic realms. As physical beings we can interact with nature, creation, the physical order. As mind beings we can exist in between physical lives; we can partake of the mind realms. As spirit beings we possess the immutability, the eternal aspect, of Spirit, or Life. The great “trick” as humans is to function normally within all three elements that form our own life.

        I realize this probably raises more questions than it answers but I can’t see it working any other way. I’ve tried the Darwinian approach and it was a death trap for me. I’ve tried the religion approach and that wavered between the “love your neighbour as yourself” (for no better reason than I was taught it to be the proper way to live – saw little enough examples of that!) and the “four spiritual laws believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved” right-winged fundamentalist wackadoodle “faith” that resembled more the contents of “The Secret” than anything taught in the synoptic gospels. I glimpsed at the philosophies of the ancient Greeks and compared that to how that nation dealt with its own neighbours and conquered states and saw no working answers there either.

        So… it was either throw in the towel, eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die, or go on to find something… else. What I express on this blog in terms of personal philosophy is that something else. I’m never looking for agreement, just sharing views.

        Oh, and I was going to mention, the words “growth” and “progress” were the curses thrown at us crazy environmentalists in the days when we opposed both “growth” and “progress” in terms of land development that was eating up some of the world’s best agricultural lands to pave and cement over for malls, box stores, hockey arenas and many other types of businesses that now stand empty and are not about to be returned to agricultural use. We did have a measure of success with the imposition of the Agricultural Land Reserves under the NDP government of Dave Barrett. So… the terms growth and progress have left a very bad taste in my mouth.

      3. rawgod

        It is unfortunate growth and progress left a bad taste in your mouth, but I am betting between your birth and your “ecological coming of age,” your consciousness of nature grew, and you progressed from a nature user to a nature protector, even as mine grew and progressed through the 60s and 70s. In the 50s (as a child) I had no awareness of the danger nature was, and still is, in. But as I grew physically, I also grew mentally, even a little bit spiritually. Nature became a living presence to me, and the more alive I saw it being, the more I saw that we humans were killing it. Where would we be without nature? That question is too scary to answer.
        As for agreeing to disagree, that is a necessary condition of life as long you you do not require a black and white understanding of anything. While there might be “One Big Truth” somewhere in the cosmos, it certainly does not exist on this mud puddle we call Earth. Everything is relative, and there are billions of understandings of the word relative…
        Meanwhile, I am not here to fight you, or to convince you why I am right, but I am here to give anyone who is interested another opinion of howLife, the Universe, and Everything can equal 42 (as per Douglas Adams). And as I said yesterday, I don’t want to have to define my terms so as to force anyone into my vocabulary. How they read is how they read, and my opinion is only my opinion.
        However, if you want to build this into a great discussion, I am more than willing, but maybe we should do it as blog posts rather than as posted comments. Just let me know who gets to write the first post… It does not really matter to me…

      4. Sha'Tara Post author

        Thanks for commenting, Jerry. Perhaps some words just cannot stand alone but require “qualifiers” alongside. Perhaps when using the term ‘growth’ one should define the type of growth meant contextually? For me as an ESL’er words do not possess the broader spectrum understood by the ethnic English speaker. My impression of ‘growth’ ‘expansion’ ‘development’ ‘progress’ came from front and centre battles against greedy developers and their “elected” lackeys on city councils. When I look at nature I don’t think of its changes in terms of growth or progress, just as cycles. So there is a language barrier there. As to writing a post on the esoteric nature of Life, I might just do that if I feel I’m not repeating myself. I know you cannot post directly on my blog, but you can send me your post by email at  shatara@telus.net  and indicate it’s to be posted on this blog. I’ll post it, guaranteed, as is. I’ll only read it through after it is published on Word Press. Would that work for you?

      5. rawgod

        Hey, S’T, that works for me, but I need a bit of info first. Look for an email from gewcolo (pronounced “joker” in ghoti English) (“ghoti” is pronounced “fish” btw).

      6. rawgod

        Oops, I forgot one other thing you had inspired me to say at this time, it is about the “possibility” of Life having a beginning, even though my words of Life starting out as a blank slate could be taken to mean it must have had a starting point of some kind…
        The time frames I am talking about here is measured in the billions of Earth years, numbers which are impossible for us mere Earthlings to imagine. What we understand as a beginning and an end do not come into play here. Life may or may not have an end, I do not pretend to know or even guess at. To us the time frame is eternity plus, whatever that might mean. It’s a damn long time.
        And then again, we cannot even know if there is any time involved. Time is a man-made construct, and I highly doubt that word has any meaning off the physical plane. What would time be without something to measure it by. Likewise beginnings and endings. We are born and we die, yet you and I both agree spirits are eternal. I believe they had a start of sorts, when we were first split off from Life to end up on this physical plane, but really we are derived from Life, so our spirits have the same lifespan as Life, if the term lifespan has any meaning off the physical plane.

        As you said, this discussion will bring up questions without end, many of them without answers either. The pertinent question though, besides you and I, would anyone else even be interested…

      7. Sha'Tara Post author

        Jumping to this comment, and focusing on the last statement, I honestly and frankly don’t care if anyone else would be interested. I like to play with words, ideas, philosophies and as much as possible, I like to invent new ones, just to make the game more interesting. If memory serves, St. Francis was a preacher whom no one wanted to listen to so he went out in the wilderness and the fields and he preached to the birds. They liked him and became good listeners. He didn’t care that they didn’t understand anything he was teaching, they perched on his head and arms and so there was a relationship. Eventually something must have come of it or he wouldn’t have made “saint” status!

  3. mistermuse

    I venture to say that you are wise beyond your years, though I don’t know your age….but I have known a number of senior citizens (of whom I am one) who show little evidence of having ever reflected seriously on the “meaning of life” (for lack of a better cliché) as they head down the home stretch. Most, I suppose, simply believe as their religion has ‘indoctrinated’ them — and I can’t say as I blame them. If one is not a reflective person, why stir up spiritual turmoil late in life?

    As for myself, if I can make a difference in the life of another person (particularly someone I love), I feel my life hasn’t been wasted. I can’t control what (if anything) happens after death, but I can at least accomplish something worthwhile while I’m here.

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thanks for your comment, mistermuse. Good philosophy to take to the portal if one doesn’t have a burning desire to know what appears unknowable.

      Reply
  4. Phil Huston

    The point has been the journey. When you set out with a goal in mind, even to write a song or a story or paint a picture, publish a blog…it’s where you go getting there that’s the real thing, not the thing itself. Yet the literal Jesus et al have been so commoditized the vision quest aspect has been ignored. If anyone desires the true definition of religion look to mother Teresa. The true definition of humane as well. We step off on our way blissfully ignorant and hopeful and are nothing unless until we learn to listen to the silence between the words and notes and our feet upon the path.

    Reply
  5. A writer from the East

    I like how you reason over here, the more older I grow the more I feel that much wrong doings in this world are due to the distortions within the organized religion and ehm, imitators of them. I say this because I find mostly their scope is very narrowed down and limits the very purpose of why we are born. During my free time ph yes I do get them I ponder a lot on my own life and all what has happened to me and focus on why I was born and what is the purpose of the suffering? Brilliant and thought provoking post, Sha’Tara!

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thank you for commenting, Saadia. I’ve concluded that the purpose of all the suffering is to make us aware of its hellish insanity; that we need to stop causing it if we wish to stop experiencing it. At least on the human level, in human to human interaction, it is within our power to do this. For me it’s a matter of programming and brain-washing for what else can we call the committing of horrible acts; of atrocities; that serve no purpose but to cause pain? That have no reason to be engaged in other than to create suffering for others? If it isn’t programming then it is utter madness and in that case the entire human race and its civilization deserve nothing more than total annihilation and the sooner the better. If we cannot behave humanely towards one-another we are boldly stating that as an intelligent species we are a complete failure and our presence here is pointless.

      Reply
      1. A writer from the East

        I salute and admire your tenacity and frankness, I too sometimes think same in particularly in relation to the nonsensical wars going around in and about where I come from and live. How is that the most most capable species as humans are a complete failure. No other species on land, air or water is upto the bullshit we are doing with mother earth and against each other.

      2. Sha'Tara Post author

        I noticed that. Sad, isn’t it. We were given something extra by which we were meant to become “more” and instead we’ve used it to oppress, abuse and lay waste to a beautiful world. I can only be glad of one thing, and that is, my future doesn’t reside, nor end, here.

      3. A writer from the East

        Its a somber realization and weighs down on my conscience like you, we can only do our little part is not siding with such mechanisms and also raise voice against these atrocities.

      4. Sha'Tara Post author

        That has been the only real come-back I’ve found to these problems that would eat us up, mind and spirit. Do what we can; do what we know is the right thing to do and carry on without overdosing on anger or hate. When we go there we become worse than those we are fighting. BTW, I really like your Gravatar logo.

      5. A writer from the East

        I agree with you on this, I also try to continue believing in myself and addressing the hate, stress etc. LOL, I didnt imagine that it would sparks interest in badass souls so thanks 😀

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