Suicide, Near Death and Looking Back

[thoughts from    ~burning woman~   ]

It’s good, sometimes, to just look back. If nothing else, it’s exercise, even if the neck complains and desperately wants to crick and push the head to face forward again. The thing is, is there something to look forward to? Mind and head disagree, but mind wins. Head is but a physical appendage after all, some sort of contraption stuck on a poorly designed swivel joint above the body.

Let’s never mind that, it’s not what I’m interested in at the moment. I’m looking back, some way back, at something that puzzles me sometimes.

Have you ever attempted suicide? Or even seriously thought about it? Have you had what they call a “near death” experience?

I’ve tried to explain “death” to my self, but my self isn’t interested seeing as it doesn’t die, it just morphs, ever and anon and takes it for granted. This, that, the other thing, whatever: life goes on, chameleon-wise.

Sure, life goes on, of course it goes on. If it didn’t we wouldn’t be here. The thing is, hardly any of us have the least idea what we’re here for, or where here is, for that matter. Some of us (many of us, too many) resolve the question by putting faith in something, usually a god. Then they play with their mind toy, imagining that it says and does all sorts of things it never does, of course, but it doesn’t matter. Dolls, stuffed toys, a favourite blanket, a dog, a pet god, it all serves the same purpose: it fills a desperate need within the Earthian creature; a need with no bottom. It answers the “death” question by making the believer-fondler forget the question.

If you haven’t, try to imagine what it’s like to come out from under an attempt at suicide. You went to all that trouble only to discover that, as in most things in your life, you muffed it. You’re not only alive but in the same body you were going to get rid of. Oh well…?

Well, no, not ‘oh well’ because you have a revelation. You think: I was dead and I’m resurrected. That means I can be a different person than I was. I can change anything about myself that I want because now I’m a mutant. I don’t have to try to fit anymore, and I don’t have to give a flying you-know-what about what anyone else thinks of me because, well, I’m dead. I’m a ghost to those who see me. To myself I’m very much alive, but this self is not what that self was. That self is dead. This is a new self, or at least the mindset is new, even if the body isn’t.

So I look back and remember: that’s how it came about that I became a totally different person. I died. Then I came back so I could be a different person; so I could choose who me was going to be. When one is no longer bound by the old rules (especially the ones that make little girls cry!) there is a lot of choice and a lot of freedom at the head of that path. The old rules still make me cry, but I don’t cry for myself anymore, I cry for the victims of the rules.

“The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” (from the gospel according to John, the New Testament)

79 thoughts on “Suicide, Near Death and Looking Back

  1. Pingback: Suicide. Near Death. Looking Back. – The Militant Negro™

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      There are better ways to change oneself, certainly. But when those ways are either unknown, hidden or silent and change becomes imperative, suicide is a way. My mother did it, as I’ve mentioned before. She was 46 years old and in my opinion, a very, very brave and courageous woman. I was 32 years old when I would have followed in her footsteps, but perhaps she was the one who intervened when I was rescued, healed and changed so completely I made no sense to anyone; until my entire old life vanished from me and I became a different person, un-self-centered. The rest is my little history. I suppose it depends a great deal on what we mean by change. There is incremental change, the kind you seek in the confessional if you happen to be Catholic, or when you seek forgiveness from some deity. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about change into self-empowerment; taking responsibility for all aspects of one’s life, no more blame or expectations from others. “Deal with it, no one else can, or will” becomes one’s motto.

      1. colettebytes

        Ah, I know that situation better than you might think. At age 11, I came home from school to find my mother wielding a carving knife. She wanted to slash her wrists. Long story is too painful. Short story – I telephoned my Grandpa. He talked to my Mother for four hours whilst I removed the knife and he got others to get a hold of my Dad working away from home. My mother was calm, if depressed, when my father came in with police, ambulance and all the rest of that sort of charade. My mother was taken away crying, wrapped up in a straight jacket, given electroshock therapy and left pretty much in a zombie state. Death, and rebirth would have been better than that. To this day, I hate talking on the phone. I suspect that my mother wanted to kill me too. She always hated me, thinking I was wicked. My family all said that it was my birth that set her on the road to mental illness.

        My husband wishes to commit suicide if he become physically or mentally incapable, or at least hopes euthanasia is legal by then.

        For myself, I have seen a lot of adversity and felt low enough for suicide to flick across my mind, but I talk myself out of it, because I know, deep in the depths of my inner being, my tribulations are all for a reason. I need to go through the pain, to find the freedom!

      2. Sha'Tara Post author

        Some of us have “interesting” growing up experiences. Being the scapegoat in the family is definitely one of them. The singling out for punishment I endured caused me to rebel, but not without a cause. Later I was able to turn my seething anger into a greater awareness of the pain of the world and when I was freed to accept compassion as a definite walk, I could understand the need of it. Vengeance is a dish best served cold, they say, but I know that it is a dish better never tasted. I “pray” to my self sometimes, in the face of the really big things I find myself facing and ask, “Can I do this right? Can I engage it properly? Have I learned yet all the ‘what not to do or think’ things?” For half my life I prayed to a God who never answered but amazingly my self does answer and invariably the answers push me into that higher place. “It isn’t difficult to know what the right thing to do is, but once you know, it is difficult not to do it.” (from the movie, “The Confession” – a paraphrase.) The point being that a sincere ‘seeker’ will pull all the stops and go all the way. We don’t know half-way measures and there is no return path.

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Ah yes indeed such are blessed! But if no other way presents it, suicide is better than doing nothing. In my country we have a saying, that necessity recognises neither law nor rule. As Gandhi used to say, I must do what I must do.

      1. Sha'Tara Post author

        Only the individual contemplating that particular choice can decide on the nature of the necessity; no one else should have a say in it.

  2. kertsen

    Humans having self – consciousness can contemplate and enjoy their own existence and it is the loss of self that causes death anxiety.
    There are all sorts of solutions to quote your confident statement ‘ myself does not die ‘, and of course the shut off solution which you rightly point out are the mind-toys we use to blog out the inevitable.
    The Apostle Paul was scared to death ( pardon the pun) ‘ Death where is thy sting ? Grave where is thy victory ? Christ Himself could not bear these thought ‘ In my Fathers House there are many Mansions ‘ I go to prepare a place for you ‘ and many of us hope to be reunited with lossed loved ones when we ‘ pass on ‘ note that pass on not die.
    Whew life becomes unbearable suicide is worth contemplating and the curious anomaly those who consider this option believe they go to rest organizations oblivion. Don’t we often say ‘ thank goodness he’s gone and out of pain or death was a blessed release.
    Science paints no picture of an eternal hereafter although we can now have our bodies frozen in liquid nitrogen if we have the cash, the here after being a future advanced time when disease and suffering have been eliminated.
    Science is now on unsteady ground with the observer effect implying that observing an experiment alters the outcome. A software bug changes or disappears when observed. Spare a thought for Alfred Whitehead who suggested long ago that bodies are perceived with qualities that do not belong to them — offspring of the mind.
    I smiled when I read that Stephen Hawkins voice was transmitted into space three thousand light years away into a black hole.

    1. rawgod

      Hi kertsen, S’T, and any other living beings who encounter this line of thought,
      I love to see people thinking about, life, death, and anything and everything that surrounds those concepts. I have been chasing such things for over 50 years now, but of late I am trying to pin the ideas down much harder than before. My problem is, I cannot always think to ask the correct questions. For that I need help from others, preferably others that do not have the same viewpoint as myself. S’T, you know we think along similar, or parallel lines, though they come from different directions. kertsen, i barely know you at all, but I think it is time for me to investigate. Myself I know unbelievably well, too well at times, because I know where I am trying to go, and what I am looking to find. (“The scientist observing his own experiment, thus affecting the results of that experiment” was a wonderful image, S’T, thank you for it. I was just thinking about something similar not twenty minutes ago, and you brought it into a very sharp focus.)
      Thank you to all who are asking such questions, all who are not afraid to ask those questions. You are a tremendous help. So, I am going to try to give my thoughts in a seperate comment to follow this one, but meanwhile I don’t know if I would have gone this way without you.
      Thank you, again.

      1. Sha'Tara Post author

        Thanks for that comment also, Jerry. The quote: (“The scientist observing his own experiment, thus affecting the results of that experiment” was a wonderful image, S’T, thank you for it. I was just thinking about something similar not twenty minutes ago, and you brought it into a very sharp focus.) was Kertsen’s, not mine… and yes, it does make one wonder about the nature of what we think of as reality.

      2. rawgod

        Damn, did I do that again. Poor kertsen, I think I’ve done this to you before. I read too many things, then forgrt who said what. Do, thank YOU, k, for that wonderly analogy.

      3. kertsen

        A quick synopsis : I’m 76 with four grown up children who have long entered the fast lane . Three boys and a girl the oldest boy is now over 50.
        I have been retired now for 15 years except for awhile I did a part time job at a conveyor belt sorting domestic rubbish. The oldest boy has never married but he has a daughter and also three grandchildren who recently came back into his life. The other two sons run a business together selling frozen meals , they each have one child but live about 100 miles from us ; they are very busy but we do see them sometimes.
        My daughter is a hairdresser with no children who lives with a long-standing partner and is self employed.
        I live with my wife near the sea on the south coast of England up an unmade road where it is very quiet.

      4. Sha'Tara Post author

        Thank you for the synopsis, Kertsen. We be the ‘ordinary people living ordinary lives’ eh?

      5. rawgod

        That does describe your life, k, and I thank you for that view. But it really doesn’t tell me much about you, the person, which is what i am most interested in.
        When people ask me Who am I, my answer is a visionary philosopher, responsible archist, and spiritual atheist. I love the looks I get.
        Same with, Why am i here? To advance my spiritual consciouness and help bring about peace beteeen all living beings. 99% of people walk away, but I now have many friends from among the other 1%.
        Sometimes, depending on who I am talking to, I tell them I am one of the world’s last original hippies, which is true, but not saying how may others there are because I have no idea..

      6. kertsen

        I think Sha’Tara sums me up there is nothing extraordinary about me except perhaps my interest in most things . I am suspicious of those who profess to have all the answers , whether they be scientists or any of the other ists sprinkled around. I am aware how easy it is to view the world through rose- tinted spectacles and I’m sensitive to the fact our minds are limited in their grasp of the nature of things.

      7. rawgod

        Actually, I think if we are willing to open our minds, we will discover a lot of things we normally would expect to find. But that is a personal decision.
        Suspicion is a healthy thing,, but there is also a line one side of which is discernment, learning when to trust and when to run away.
        As far as isms, they are just words. I told you I am a responsible anarchist, and a spiritual atheist, but only I know what I mean by those terms. They are not true isms, in any sense of the words. When I first coined them, no one else I knew of wss using them. Then along came the internet, and now spiritual agheism is an acceptable belief to some, but anyone who claims that label is an army of one. The other, as far as I know, still belongs to me alone. But that yoo shall change.
        Last, but definitely not least, of course you are extraordinary, there is no other being on this planet who had had the same experiences you have in the same wsy that you had them. YOU are the only one.

    2. Sha'Tara Post author

      Interesting how our pondering upon death forces us to become philosophers, if only for short moments (of clarity!) even if we come out more confused than ever. The point is to confront our fear of death; to engage to subject, ideally to make it into a normal and natural thing to talk about and consider. The stats on death are pretty telling: one out of every one dies. Why avoid such a “popular” topic?

    3. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thanks for that interesting comment, Kertsen. Personally, I think that people put way too much “faith” in science and technology. They’re going to turn out to be another false god, another idol. What’s a black hole supposed to do with Stephen Hawking’s voice, eat it?

      1. kertsen

        They are bound to put their faith in what works and has produced such progress. Often those who are most critical of technology use it to the full extent , and the world as we know and experience it is held together in a framework of technology. Western rich democracies have hospitals full of technology as they struggle to keep us all ticking on out of deaths shadow. The new Hadron-Collider is under way to discover secrets beyond the Hicks which was called the God – particle , although it didn’t seem to perform too many miracles. We can all get very excited at the thought of dark-matter and anti-matter is high on the agenda.
        How glad we are when we open the fridge door or start the car; how we rejoice when we can attend church twenty miles away , or send our thought-packed words across the globe in a fraction of a second .
        And yet a few thousand gathered at Stonehenge to see the old Sun rise on the solstice just as they did thousands of years ago and they sang dancing in the dawn.
        Now that tenacious man Steven Hawking who defied the doctors and lived for decades longer than they expected has been laid to rest between Darwin and Newton in the great Abbey. He is the father of black hole understanding but still those curious beasts come up again and again with mysteries. It it said nothing can escape their gravity yet some big brains speculate they may be channels to another universe.

      2. kertsen

        We haven’t too much time as we are , but the globe keeps spinning and we are not the only forces at work .
        There are now a few scientific types on utube who point out that the galaxy is a dangerous place when viewed over the millions of years it takes life to evolve. It no coincidence , they say that we are placed on an outer arm of the galactic disc and even then we are exceptionally lucky to be here at all.
        My own opinion is that civilisation will fragment and much of modern technology will be lossed. I suspect there will be great bloodshed and a desperate rush to the poles as the equatorial region becomes uninhabitable. It’s a sort of return to the dark ages ,but the beast in us is a survivor and he will cling on to existence however grim it may be.

      3. Sha'Tara Post author

        That’s pretty much what I’ve been shown; difference being that the surviving Earth people will have morphed/mutated into a different species, one that understands finiteness and entropy and learns how to deal with it in logical ways. We should not be surprised to hear we are about to mutate into something else, it has happened before. Once we were a peaceful species of bipedal vegetarian animals, just a bit different than the rest, then something happened and we became Homo Sapiens and now that has run its course. Of the new, I only know that it will be a totally empathetic species and it will rely on self empowerment. No more leaders, rulers, bosses, gods or goddesses to teach, point the way, lead and screw everybody up. The new species will be made of of responsible individuals and it will no longer be predatory. That will engender a whole different kind of civilization.

  3. Woebegone but Hopeful

    That is powerful!
    Somewhere along the way my stubborn, bloody-minded notion was ‘Screw it! I’m playing the hand I was dealt. Not giving those who don’t like me the pleasure of thinking ‘Ah He couldn’t cope’ and not letting those I love think it was all their fault,’
    That doesn’t make me better than anyone else. That makes me, Me.
    (When this body packs up I want to fly around the solar system for a while and visit all of those moons around the outer worlds… kidding, I’m solid serious)

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Yes, suicide is usually seen as a cop out, and it can engender a lot of guilt, or resentment against the one who “flew the coop” leaving the rest hanging! I hope you have a lot of fun playing around with your moonlets. You might even discover ways to turn one of them into a space ship, as so much sci-fi novels like to talk about. “Rendez-vous with Rama” is a good one. Greg Bear’s “Moving Mars” engages to concept of moving an entire planet right out of the galaxy.

      1. Woebegone but Hopeful

        I will have to pick up a copy of Moving Mars…thanks for the tip.
        Wouldn’t think of interfering with any of them, just want to visit and see all those wonderful sights.

  4. George F.

    Well written and true…once your old self is dead, the new self can emerge and you can be free…be who you are…because you “should” be dead already, so wtf why not be who you are?

  5. sherazade

    Lo dico in italiano.
    La delusione della fine del mio matrimonio mi faceva guardare con profondo desiderio il vuoto dal quinto piano della mia terrazza.
    Persone tanto care mi hanno convinto ad andare in analisi E lì ho capito che non ero io a dover cambiare ma piuttosto imparare a convivere con quanto era successo e trarne il positivo che era ed è mio figlio.
    Non è importante porsi domande del cosa facciamo qui e perché ma semplicemente prendere atto che ci siamo e dobbiamo starci offrendo e prendendo il meglio.

    Perdona l’esempio personale.
    Good night good morning Sweet Sha’Tara.


    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Here’s hoping the translator does a decent job…
      Non ho alcun problema con il tuo esempio personale di come hai affrontato la perdita, al contrario. E, naturalmente, hai fatto la scelta giusta. Grazie per questo commento speciale, Shera

  6. rawgod

    Hi all.
    (I just wasted an hour writing on my tablet only to lose everything I had written due to an unstable page. I hope I can re-write it to make this a complete thought, but we’ll see. Maybe I can even impove on what I had, lol.)

    Some Non-Successful Suicide Attempts, Near Death Experiences, some Out of Body Experiences, and Consciousness Raising Psychedelic-Induced Experiences, (respectively: NSSAs, NDEs, OBEs, and CRPIEs) all can bring us to the point where we can see an opportunity to change our lives drastically, but all of them have similar hidden dangers. Death, biological or spiritual, is always but a blink away from life. To put ourselves there purposefully, or to get there accidfentally, is an incredible risk. Are you willing to take that risk just so you can change who you think you are? I was, I used CRPIEs, but I would not recommend that way to any but the most serious of seekers. I did not see the imminent dangers, I dove head first off the edge of an LSD molecule–twice! Without thinking of the possible consequences.
    NDEs are just as risky, though few people who have them go looking for them. Most people who have had an NDE arrived at death’s door by accident, or someone else’s maliciousness. Those who get there through OBEs I would think are mostly amateurs, or, again, accident victims of one variety or another. NSSAs get there by choice, but not all of them necessarily want to get to that point and then return; either they just want to pretend, or they want to complete the act but lose control of the event.
    But, no matter who they are, or how they got there, as Sha’Tara mentioned in her above post, they all get the oppoprtunity to change their lives. For some this opportunity is a “gift” from some unseen deity, for some it is a shock, for nothing in their experience can have prepared them for this opportunity, for some it is a sign of insanity, and for yet others, such as myself, it is the completion of a search. (Actually, in my experience, it was a change in search goals, but nonetheless it was a major change.)
    Most people who have gone through these experiences return to the bodies they had expectedly or unexpectedly vacated, only to find their physical situations changed in some ways. Though I had purposely induced my experiences, and had reproduced the first experience purposely in order to be sure it had been “real,” the experiences themselves did create changes. Some came quite quickly, others actually took years before I could understand just how those experiences had changed me. To be more precise, I felt the changes right away, I could speak about the changes fairly soon after they happened, but I could not realize the magnitude of the changes and how those changes came about for some 50 years post-CRPIEs. Going back over my written works, the actual records of my thoughts and ideas and imaginings, the 68 year-old me can see some of the steps I went through.
    It is important here that you, the reader, take nothing I am about to say as gospel, or anything written in stone. I am only going to say what happened to me, and how I now see it:
    Step One — I was born Jerry Miller, and I guess lived the life Jerry Miller was bound to live, given his skills and abililities, and considering how his life was affected by those around him. In essence, I was Jerry Miller.
    Step Two — After a number of “normal” LSD experiences, I could feel something changing in me, and I began to chase the change. One night, I encountered the change, and I had to choose between returning to the physical plane (life), or continuing with the change (death). I chose life. Thus was jerry miller created.
    Step Three — After I rested a wee while from Step Two, I tried to replicate the process I had gone through in Step Two, and again I had to make the choice as above, between life and death. Again I chose life. Thus was Rawgod created.
    Step Four — This is my last step, so far. I lived, I imagined, I thought, and I changed–more than I had ever changed before. I sought and found understanding. I looked at the changes, and their consequences. I evaluated my life, and by doing so the present me, rawgod, was created.
    I guess what I am basically trying to say is that so far in this life, I have been four different people, but all of them inherently related to each other.
    When you say, Sha’Tara, that our lives can go through drastic changes, I agree with you almost wholeheartedly. The place my understanding unjoins from yours is at becoming a whole different person. Although I have read of such things happening in fiction, I have never in my life heard of anyone actually doing that. As long as it is the same consciousness driving the bus, that bus is still related to what that bus was built to be. For example, my skills and abilities are still the same ones I was born with, though they have been enhanced and honed by my education and my experience. My level of compassion has increased, and the number and type of beings I can feel compassion for and be compassionate towards has increased through better undertanding of who we are and how many lines of separation we can erase between us, but still those understandings and erasures are based on the being I was born as. But, having said that, it is my opinion we can purposefully change our Is (egos), and purposely change the lines we and/or others have drawn around us.
    The question then becomes, for me, do we have to risk our very lives in order to learn how to change them. And I hope we all know we do not. However, I think we definitely have to risk parts and pieces of our lives to make successful changes without risking the lives wee have as living beings.
    Along with my CRPIEs, I have also learned to do other things that can facilitate the changes I felt I needed to make, and along the way discovered some changes I did not know I had to make. (Meanwhile, in my case, there are some things I just cannot change, no matter what I do or how hard I try to do them.) The easiest, and most efficient way of making such changes is to get into your car, on a bus, or ship, or plane and just disappear from where you were, appearing in some place you might want to be.Doing this without telling anyone is preferable, but also risky in other ways too. So finding some kind of compromise that allows the people and life you are leaving to know you are okay, but without giving them a chance to stop you, or ask you where you are going, is the best of both worlds. But that in itself is risky.
    Meanwhile, leaving your visible self behind and appearing in a new place gives you the opportunity to introduce yourself as a new person (even changing your name if you can find a good forger or counterfeiter), and display new character and personality traits. From experience, I found character traits easier to change than personality traits. Either way, you are literally changing the way you live, and how other people see you live.
    I guess I should point out you can change yourself without moving and disappearing, but you are going to experience a lot of roadblocks as those people around you try to force you back into being the person they know and love. Not many people are capable of accepting drastic change in others. I experienced a lot of that myself, which was what finally made me move in the first place, though at the time I did not understand that.
    I lost a lot of people I thought werre good friends that way, but slowly developed a whole new set of friends that were accepting of what I was trying to do. Most of them could not understand my need to change, but at least they stuck by me, and allowed change to happen. You’ve heard of the 7 Year Itch? It was about every 7 years that I felt the need to move on to some place new. But I was so much younger then…
    But don’t ever let anyone tell you change is impossible. IMO, it is not only possible, but necessary. And all those ways Sha’Tara mentioned, and that I added to, they can work. But they are also dangerous as opposed to risky. Moving, without encumbrances (people, possessions, feelings etc.) is possibly the easiest.
    And if you are thinking of changing your life, “Good luck. You will need it.”

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      I like your comment, Jerry. Much to chew on there; much to think about. You’ve certainly done a lot of work; worked hard to achieve the kind of life you discovered one day that you wanted. Your process is that of the smart person: try this, try that, add to this, add to that, and work with the results. I on the other hand knowingly kept on going the wrong way for me until I reached the edge of the proverbial cliff and I had to jump since I found myself too cowardly to turn back and look for a better way. All or nothing… I was “fortunate” in that it worked for me. And yes, I can say that even with the same body, there was a complete mind change, almost like a mind-wipe and a re-programming. Like a computer getting a new operating system. I was a different person. My partner of the time divorced me saying, “You’re not the person I married; I don’t know you.” It wasn’t a subtle change and it wasn’t easy to deal with. I changed my name, that being a necessity, going through several stages of name changes until I settled for Sha’Tara, which stands for Shalom and Earth, or peace on earth because what I found in this drastic, exciting and terrible change was the deepest kind of personal peace imaginable. I wanted to give that to the world. I still do, more than ever. I imagine a world at peace with itself and wonder: why not? I imagine a world ruled by compassion and wonder: why not? What’s stopping us, any of us, from expressing ourselves as true human beings, humanely? What’s stopping us from giving, giving, giving: love, care, acceptance, understanding, support, without expectations since the giving causes a joy that rises from within? If only we could see ourselves properly and what we are capable of as compassionate beings. At least when I die this time I’ll be leaving here knowing that every Earthian possesses the potential to become a compassionate empath.

      1. rawgod

        I rejoice for you, and I rejoice with you.
        Based on my own experiences, I cannot see how you did the mind-wipe, but i believe you that you did it. I, on the other hand, did not want to wipe my mind out, I was proud of what I had accomplished despite my childhood traumas.
        But these differences only mak us more alike, for we approach our lives now in quite similar ways, at least as far as the “big questions” are concerned.
        One word of caution, however, watch what you try to give away, it might come back to you completely changed…

      2. Sha'Tara Post author

        Thanks rawgod. Quote: “One word of caution, however, watch what you try to give away, it might come back to you completely changed…” I don’t understand what you mean here. When you get a chance, can you explain/clarify? Thanks.

      3. rawgod

        I am writing about your desire to give away peace. It is a assuredly a noble thing to do, but not everyone is ready to receive it. Thatl was my meaning.

      4. Sha'Tara Post author

        Ah yes, thank you. However some ‘things’ are only meaningful when given away. Peace is one of those things, as is compassion. These are the things that arise from our own consciousness, they do not come to us from external sources. Demanding or imposing peace are contradictions, hence why Earthians do not understand peace and can’t hold on to it. It only exists in the giving.

      5. Sha'Tara Post author

        Hi again. I would explain briefly: I did not do the mind wipe, “They” did it. The Teachers, or perhaps those who preceded the Teachers. It wasn’t my intentional or aware doing as I was in no condition to do any of that. All I can say is, I’m glad “They” recognized the potential in me, took the initiative, healed me and challenged the heck out of me for the next 20 years!  They offered me a new life with a new personality and I gladly took it. I had nothing to lose!

    2. colettebytes

      Hi Rawgod,
      I have capitalised your name, to recognise who you are right now, because it seems to me that you are a shapeshifter, trying out new existences.

      I have a rather different perspective of death. I do see it as a transition, but one with a score card. I think all I do based on a profound dream that changed my life entirely.

      I was one of those people in a financially comfortable if stressful job. Personal life was nothing great but ticked along like those of most people.

      One night, A dream that kept going all night (it seemed), changed my life, because in it, I died.


      I started the dream in my workplace. I had been transferred to a new department and had been informed that I was to travel to New Orleans to a conference. This in itself was ludicrous and more so when I was told I would need to construct a presentation for it. These were not things I did in my present job of the time.

      Later, in the dream, I was coming down the hotel lobby (New Orleans) and sat in a lounge area near a fake book case with just a few real volumes. A plate glass window looked out onto the street beyond. I had ordered a coffee, and had a device on my lap with notes on it. I was reading my notes and holding my coffee cup in my left hand, while doing something with the device in my right hand. Then, the most horrific cramp I had ever felt gripped my left side. I felt absolutely powerless as I watched the cup fall to the floor spilling coffee everywhere. I tried to shout, but nothing was working. I was shutting down. I could feel life ebbing out of my organs, my body was incapable of moving and my mind was going dark. I managed to look to my right. My grandpa (deceased) was standing there, holding his homberg hat and holding out his hand to me. I took it and we both just floated up to the top of the bookcase. I felt magnificently free of the pain and a bit incredulous at floating. I looked down and there was my lifeless body below me, slumped in a most ungainly fashion. No one in the hotel had noticed. The waiters busied themselves at the coffee machine. The reception staff were dealing with enquiries, and guests just came and went without noticing. I felt about the most unimportance that I have ever felt. My death was unimportant!

      My Grandpa motioned that we should go. Funny, he never spoke. It was more like thinking and picking up thoughts.

      Just like the Charles Dickens Book, I was taken on a journey into the past, present and future. Those journeys crossed the world at light speed and through time, physical walls and all obstacles.

      That part of my dream is a bit personal and so I won’t share it.
      But at the end of those experiences, my Grandpa delivered me to a space of ambient light. Then he left.
      I didn’t see any walls or floor, or anything, but was suddenly aware of a pedestal, upon which was a large book and an inkwell with a feather quill.
      I stepped over to it (or rather just seemed to be able to reach it without physical effort). I started to read the words. I was shocked as it was in my own handwriting. I didn’t like what was written and kept making excuses for why events happened. I was aware as the words ran out, that a figure was next to me. A being of white, ephemeral beauty was looking at me. It was taller, graceful and devoid of emotion. I heard the words, but they were not spoken
      “These are the things you have written in the book of life, you cannot change them. You can accept them as they are now and come with me, or you can go back and add more words.”

      That was it. Nothing profound. “I want to go back”
      The entity said. “The things you have seen will occur five years hence if you do not change.”
      That was it!

      The pain of awakening to artificial light was horrible. I was lying on something cold and as I looked at myself I was horrified. I was in a morgue. A sheet covered me as I struggled to see, tearing it away, a tag was tied to my toe.


      At the same moment as I was freeing myself of the sheet in the dream, I sat bolt upright in bed, sweat pouring out in sheer panick. Was I alive or dead? At first I couldn’t tell. I was frightened and shaken beyond words.

      Over time, I forgot the dream, and settled into life as usual. My work went on. My life went on. I forgot about the five year warning. Then, I was promoted. I still didn’t think anything. When the conference in New Orleans was announced and my Boss told me to prepare a presentation on the new laptop I’d just been given, I went into complete meltdown. I think that I may have had something close to a nervous breakdown, but I didn’t. Fighting all the logical reasons that I should just dismiss the dream as a silly incident, I took a leave of absence to figure things out. On return, I refused to go to the conference and almost got fired on the spot for insubordination. I couldn’t give the reason so made one up.

      I later quit my job, left my relationship of 25 years and did a whole host of life changing things.

      This wasn’t the first radical change in my life, nor do I think it will be the last. For change is the only method we have to do those things we came to the earth plane to do.

      I have never taken drugs, not even weed. I cannot say if mind alteration helps or hinders a journey along our path. Death does not scare me. The only judge at the end of it is yourself. I no longer judge myself and try not to be too judgemental of others (somewhat more difficult).

      If suicide is what people choose, it is written in their own book. When they next come to take their next life journey, will they look at that and sigh that they gave up the challenge so quickly, or will they read and say “yes, that was the right decision.” I cannot say, for every individual is born alone and dies alone. The bit in between is the ‘Experience.’

      1. colettebytes

        By, the way. I calculated back to the time of the dream from the time of my promotion. Whilst I didn’t have an exact day, it was “Five years Hence?”
        The year was 1999 and I had just received the first laptop computer (the device in my dream) our University department had purchased. It was a Dell, and priced at over $1,000 Can.

        The dream was all too real for me to ignore once events predicted started to play out.
        It isn’t the first sort of premonition I’ve had, but it is certainly the most personal.

        I cannot say that suicide is wrong. I believe it is an option for anyone who can’t cope, but if there is even the smallest hope of going into ‘change’ instead, I think ultimately we will feel all the more rewarded. Death is so final. We never remember that life afterwards. Savour the journey as long as possible, because feeling is so much more rewarding than not feeling when we enter the cosmic soup of energy after death.

      2. rawgod

        That was a helluvan experience, Colette, and I am surprised you were able to forget it, even for a while. But that would be me, you are you. If you don’t mind my saying, you were one lucky person to have that dream. It obviously saved your life, as well as changing it.
        You say you don’t like to judge others, so i am wondering why i feel you are judging me? You call me a “shapeshifter,” whatever that means, and you mention that you have never taken drugs of any kind. I don’t think those comments were necessary to your comment, they added nothing, and took away a little bit of me. That of course is your privilege, you are not me.
        I am also curious why you pointedly spelled my name incorrectly? You have no idea why i spell it without a capital. You did not tell me your complete dream, holding back what you did not want anyone to know about the old you. I have no such inhibition. I spell my name without a capital because it represents the break between ego and spirit. If I were to use Rawgod, it would be my egoself speaking, not my spiritual self. Generally when I speak as my egoself I use my ego name Jerry. Just so you know.
        But as I tried to express in my description of my experiences, what causes such experiences to happen is unimportant. The experience itself is central to everything, as you know. Making the change is much more important than why you made the change.
        I also tried in my comment to say that not everyone experiences such events in the same way. Our experience depends very much on what our life experience is. Theists almost always see angels or a being they interpret as Jesus, or God. You did not see either, but you saw family, and a white being that you did not describe, which your words gave me to believe was a vision of self. I didn’t dispute any of these things. A person sees what they expect to see. My own vision was probably bssed on the little I knew about Buddhism at that tim. But those are just mental trappings, things to make the event more acceptable to the mind. None of us knows for sure what we are really experiencing, our minds are adding to everyyhing, and no one is wrong.
        But, when you say, we are born alone, and we die alone, you are stating what many uninitiated people can only think they understand, while people who have gone through the experience know exactly what whose words mean. I have used the exact sentence many times over during my lifetime, but generally what I get are blank stares, or a roll of the eyes.
        Having said all that, Colette, I know we have wtitten comments to each other before, and for the most part we agree on those things. How about we start from there, and move on. My email is if you would like to talk privately. I will leave that decision up to you.
        Peace be with you.

      3. Sha'Tara Post author

        Sorry if I jump in here before I head out into my own wild blue yonder – work calls as always – but I want to comment to this bit of quote from your comment, rawgod:

        “You say you don’t like to judge others, so i am wondering why i feel you are judging me? You call me a “shapeshifter,” whatever that means, and you mention that you have never taken drugs of any kind. I don’t think those comments were necessary to your comment, they added nothing, and took away a little bit of me.”

        From my side of things, to be seen as a “shapeshifter” would be a great praise, an accomplishment. I myself am a shapeshifter, that is, I can be/have/express myself in many different shapes and guises depending on the situation. As to the mention of drugs, I sense that Colette wasn’t thinking in terms of judgement at all but emphasizing that her experiences were not “drug induced” but purely spiritual (if I can use that term.) When you and I began exchanging thoughts on our experiences I was very negative towards your use of drugs to define your own path, coming as I have, from a family torn apart by drug addiction. But you taught me otherwise and I am deeply thankful to you for pointing out my judgemental attitude AND CHANGING IT! You provided me with a means to take another higher step in life and it has already served me well – all part of my quest for self-empowerment and higher understanding of compassion. I’m thinking, if I may without causing hurt, that it is you who is doing the judgement, not on Colette, but on yourself. Your path is sacred and it does not need defending. Take care o’ you, friend.

      4. rawgod

        Actually, S’T, i have already anticipated the probable need for an apology, and sent it along to Colette. Such instances always arise from not knowing how people use words, snd as I said to her, shapeshifter is a negative word in my vocabulary, shapeshifters are those who use their ability to commit nefarious deeds.
        But it is all patt of the lesfning curve, as you pointed out. Had I had the benefit of Colette’s body language as I heard those words no error would have been apparent, or at the lest I could have adked hrr for her meaning. As it wss, i used my bavkground to interpret hrr words, as I had nothing elsebto base my underdtanding on.
        Thanks gor your comment. Jerry.

      5. rawgod

        Just by-the-bye, if I have misinterpreted your meanings on certain points in your comment, please forgive me. On re-reading your words I think I may have misunderstood you, because of the way your comment began. Possibly you were trying to show some kind of respect by capitalizing my name, but I could not see it that way. Also the word shapeshifter has always had negative connotations for me, so if you were not being judgmental, please accept my apologies.

      6. colettebytes

        Ah, dear rawgod, my words were not intended to rile you or offend you. Sha’Tara is right. I do not see a ‘shape shifter’ as a bad form, but rather as one who has a wonderful insight in how to navigate the world.
        As for mind altering substances, I have no experience and have never judged anyone who has taken them. I do understand though that addictions and overdoses can be hurtful.
        I did not know your reason for your moniker. Capitalising it was not meant as an insult, but rather just to recognise you.

        I think I have blocked many of my experiences from early childhood. My mother was frightened of me and punished me severely for many things, telling my sisters that I was a bad person that was trying to destroy things. I don’t really member most of that because my young mind blocked my experiences. I became very sensitive, shy and fearful, to the point that I wouldn’t talk and would hide myself a lot (mostly in the garden). The dream came out of the blue and I really didn’t want to remember it, but when events unfolded, I had no choice. I had to save myself. I am not ready to die yet.

      7. rawgod

        My apologies again for misunderstanding you. I should know better as I have been misunderstood most of my life.
        There are times I wish I could forget what happened to me as a kid, yet most of the time I am glad I remember, because I use my abuses to remind me not to abuse others, any others.
        I wss extremely sensitive too, but mostly to TV shows, but being as television was just new in Canada at the time, and I was only about six years old, I always looked away when Beaver was about to get embarrassed. For me that was always followed by a backhand to the side of the face, usually leaving welts and bruises, and I could not abide having something similar happen to someone else. But that is another story.
        From your few memories I would say you were abused too, but I really don’t want to open any wounds you don’t want opened.
        Therefore, jumping to the present, I am wondering about the mental or spiritual changes you went though after you quit that job? How big were they? How lasting were they?
        And, to discuss your final comment, my own belief is that were I to die today, I would be ready for it. But having said that, I do not want to die yet, I feel I still have work to do…
        Further question: What would it take for you to feel prepared to die?

      8. colettebytes

        No, rawgod, opening old wounds for further inspection really has no validity for me now. I have dealt with them.

        Quitting my job came a few months after attending a Kirlian Lecture (that I wrote about in my last blog). It was a very difficult time for me. My partner of the time told me to go get some Prozac (he was convinced that I was crazy). I went to the doctor, who after a few probing questions into my personal life, said I was just very stressed and to change my life. -Imagine that – a second warning! Just real this time. She gave me the prozac on my insistence, but I only managed it for two days. I became a horrible, angry person whilst taking it and my staff under my management suffered from verbal abuse for those two days. I threw the pills away, resolving that I could not be mean or horrible. I’d have to suffer the stress.

        I knew things had to change. I was not going to end up like my mother (who died young, but not from suicide).

        I went back to school (at age 40) and studied Massage Therapy for two years. For a while, I also worked part time making for some very long days.

        I graduated with a 95% average, and went into practice.

        My relationship was also breaking down. My partner was lazy and didn’t work very much. Nor did he contribute to the bills. I persevered for a while but my new discoveries into my spiritual path were profound and I knew that I must leave him. It just took a while for the right moment.

        When someone gets right to the end of a rope out of a burning building, they either hang on and possibly burn, or they let go and hope the fall won’t break their legs. I did the latter. I didn’t break my legs!
        Friends were very supportive and I continued to follow my spiritual guidance, eventually by acts of pure serendipity, finding myself back in UK with a new partner….an old childhood friend.

        My spiritual path is very important to me. If truth be told, right now, this moment, happy as I am, I feel as though another major challenge is headed my way.

        I look for all sorts of scientific answers to life’s mysterious spiritual stuff. I try to integrate everything in my philosophy for life. I became a Vegan because somewhere in my mind, I have decided that eating the flesh of other animals makes one inherently cruel. Compassion rules my head in all things now.
        I feel closer to animals, and indeed I have started down the path of animal communication. I feel that humanity has much to learn and is only scratching the surface of that which is possible.

        To be prepared to die would not take much. Acceptance is already there. Timing for all things is the key. When I am on the right path, all obstacles fall out of my way spontaneously (as they did once I left my previous partner). When the right time for death comes, it will present itself with ease and I will know.

        My advice, if it is possible to advise another person, is to jump clear of anything not serving your soul. Then look carefully at your options…one will seem just a bit better than all the others. Focus on it and it will be yours.

      9. colettebytes

        Thinking again on mind altering substances…well alcohol is one. In my earlier years, alcohol was probably an issue. It isn’t now. I will have one drink…a cider or something, but no longer take myself into the realm of drunkenness. I had a very bad experience with that when some terrible evil thing entered me. I would not have thought it possible. I was stupid, and in this rented holiday accommodation there was an entity just waiting for an opportunity. My new husband video taped the results. I cannot watch the video. I could feel myself fighting off this thing that was dark and life-snatching. My voice changed and became two different pitches as I grappled to keep the thing from taking over. A lot more happened as the entity won, and my husband witnessed in the form of wild sex, but I have no memory.
        When I awoke – my husband had to carry me to bed – I was in control again, but I could feel this thing in me. I could not rid myself of it.

        I have to go at the moment, but I will come back to say how that entity left. I will say however, that perhaps this might be a danger with any mind altering substance. We let our guard down and we don’t know just what light or dark spiritual stuff might enter!

      10. colettebytes

        So, how did that dark entity leave? Well it actually took quite a long time. About six months. It was there invading my thoughts, but I kept it at bay. I cannot say how awful that time was, but I was physically struggling. It always surfaced to make my thoughts crappy when I drank alcohol, so I cut it out. I actually developed a sort of allergy to the things I was drinking. I knew I was beating this thing, but it was like having something sticky and menacing inside.
        Then one day a friend came to visit with his new girlfriend who it turned out was an alcoholic unbeknownst to him at that time. They were staying overnight, rather than drink and drive. She was pretty drunk when they arrived, and continued to drink on through the evening. I think I only had one drink. They seemed to argue a bit as she became progressively bad tempered with him. So we called it a night.
        About 2am, I woke up, feeling weird, sort of lighter than I had felt in a long time. That thing was leaving. But the instant I knew it, swear words came from the other room. She was telling something to **** Off!
        Then quiet. My heart raced. It was gone from me, but had it entered her?

        Next morning
        Our friend looked as if he hadn’t had a lot of sleep. And his girlfriend seemed distracted. They prepared to leave. I asked him when she had gone to their car, what happened. He didn’t know. He said she was acting like something out of the Exorcist, but was still asleep, even sitting up. I couldn’t rouse her. “She didn’t believe me this morning!”
        I felt so bad, but that weird thing had gone searching for a weaker person.
        A few weeks later, our friend said they had split up. She had become abusive and was drinking even more. He wanted nothing to do with her.

        Is this a warning not to allow your mind to be fuddled by substances? Very possible. I don’t know. But I will never provide the means for anything to take possession of me again.

        I often warn youngsters not to mess around with Ouija boards. Entities of all sorts try to get through those.

        We are unaware, physically, of other dimensions. But I feel that beings in other dimensions maybe aware of us… Not all is good out there in that waste land between dimensions.

    3. Sha'Tara Post author

      Another comment to Jerry, quote: “Moving, without encumbrances (people, possessions, feelings etc.) is possibly the easiest.” That seems to have been Colette’s choice and it works for her. It’s been my choice several times too, but by choosing not to leave my “hometown” the accretions kinda-sorta returned! Still, through deliberate and intelligently driven detachment, higher perspectives on life are achieved, with or without a truck load of material possessions. The possessions themselves, as I’ve learned, can be used very effectively in serving others as long as they are just that, possessions and not idols.

      Regarding your touch on OBE’s, I’ve been able to induce those at a time when I needed them through what I would loosely call lucid dreaming or a kind of home-made meditation. I will relate this one experience that was another irrevocable step up the ladder of change and enlightenment. I entered the experience while lying down on the ground among tall swamp grasses on the edge of the River just as a storm was advancing and the sky was gradually darkening and the wind was picking up. Though several miles from home on a large and empty river, a kayak takes care of a lot of wind, rain and waves, so no worries there. The rasping of the coarse grasses rubbing against each other and the rising smell of muddy waters put me in a sort of trance and I was off and away. I seemed to know exactly where I was going as I observed the earth fading away behind me. Incidentally that was the first and last time I actually saw that “silver cord” they talk about trailing behind me.

      Skipping many details, I came to a place that at first seemed like a white cloud. It was a house of some kind, huge by my definition and I found myself standing in it. All was smooth, no definable walls, floor, windows, doors or ceiling. On the east side a tall man in a white robe, sporting long white hair and beard, was sitting, looking down. I watched him for what seemed a long time but he did not move, nor say a word. Finally I spoke, more out of frustration at being ignored: “So, this is it? You are God and this is the end of the line? This is what they call heaven?” Then he turned to me and his face was the kindest, lovingest had ever seen or could imagine. He smiled and it was a very warm smile. Then he pointed to the north end of the room and I saw a large door defining itself from the rest of the “wall”. He said, “I have yet to go through that one. I am sitting here pondering the wisdom of choosing it, or another path. Now do you understand?”

      I understood that he had just described infinity and the process of Life to me. “Now you must return to your own life and go through the steps all of us must go through. Do not worry about a thing, having chosen your purpose and your life’s direction, for you what must be, will be. There is no longer any chance, luck or fate in your future. Goodbye.” When I came to, the storm had intensified as if to give more depth to the experience. As I paddled back down the River and turned into the little Hope river to arrive at home, I knew I had taken another irrevocable step on my personal path of enlightenment; that everything had changed for me, once again. What I felt was joy, pure joy.

      Step by step, ever and anon, we carry on, without either beginning nor end though we enter into many illusions that give us a sense of “local” accomplishment. After all we need to realize we are actually taking these steps otherwise we would exist in some sort of seemingly pointless “Nirvana” in which nothing significant can be accomplished. There are such “places” of course and there are those who find them and choose to enter them but Life is movement, never static. There are those of us who choose Life in infinite movement. We always know that whatever happens on the local scene, that is but a temp job, a part-time involvement.

      1. rawgod

        Very prosaicly put, S’T, but I believe you know the problem eith prose:
        It leaves your words open to interpretation. I could go aead and interpret your words, and might even get most of it right. But I would rather not even try.
        Instad, if you will, I would prefrr to ask you to re-write that comment, or st least the essence of it, in plain language. Aftr that, if we differ, I will write what I read you to be saying, and we can compare and contrast…

      2. Sha'Tara Post author

        Thanks for commenting, rawgod. quote: “Very prosaicly put, S’T, but I believe you know the problem eith prose: It leaves your words open to interpretation.” First, I plead ignorance of which of my comments this refers to, so I cannot respond to that part. As to words, well, we use words to communicate and all of us use them the way we learned them. I’m an ESL’er so my writing tends to emulate what my brain picked up while reading English. There will always be a mixture of modern and archaic; mixture of English and French; mixture of American, Canadian and British Isles English. Ultimately, everything is open to interpretation and it’s the reading/receiver mind that does the interpreting and that would be you. If you identify the comment that is giving you a problem, I will re-read it and see if it can be stated differently – WITHOUT TAKING AWAY THE CONTEXT. Thanks!

      3. rawgod

        No problem, S’T. My problem, and I accentuate the “my,” is not the words so much as the tone. A lot of the things you write come out as written-in-stone-gospel-truth, not just for you, but for everyone. It is not like you are telling about your experience, but rather telling the absolute truth that you want others to believe that has to be the way for them, too.
        I guess what I am trying to say is, let people know regularly that this is your experience, the way that you underdtand things. It is a common mistake made by many writers, but I don’t care about many writers, I care about you, and what you say. You say important things. But those things are coloured by your experience…
        Probably most of your readers will disagree with me, but that is their privilege as this is mine.

        The other thing, the “plain Enlish” thing, is also one of “my things.” When I read this post, I could see you were using beautiful words and beautiful phrases. Very nice to read. But when it comes to understanding, not so nice. The things you are talking about are not generally obvious. I’m on the wrong page to give you a concrete example right now, but I will get around to it once I am back at home.

      4. Sha'Tara Post author

        Thanks for the comment, rawgod. Quote: “You say important things. But those things are coloured by your experience…” I’m sorry but wouldn’t it be rather pathetic if my “important things” were NOT coloured by my experience(s)?  Whose experiences should colour them, since all “things” important or not will be coloured? God’s? Freud’s? Descartes’? Plato’s? Trump’s? Darwin’s? Lenin’s? The Dalai Lama’s? The next door redneck with his Harley? The observations I have made which I share; the conclusions worked out as a result of my “travels” along with a fair bit of reading of Earthian history, those are mine, they are not plagiarized. The experiences I write about that happened in the course of seeking answers to unanswered age-old problems, those are mine, no one else’s.  Of course I will state them as hard truth, or hard fact. All I am waiting for is for someone to PROVE I’m wrong; to demonstrate, not just claim, that I am lying.

        You did some of that a few comments back when you stated “there is no bible” and I should not quote from it. You essentially said, there is no ‘God’; there are no Time Lords; there will be no great war, etc… Some have mocked the idea that man’s “soul” could be a mind controlling implant.  These are all statements I experientially know to be in error, and such error is grievous denial and the major cause of the downfall of this civilization.

        Over the years, including the time I’ve shared ideas on WordPress I’ve gone at great lengths to explain where I come from; how I acquired such “esoteric” knowledge that seems pure malarkey to the rank-and-file Earthian. It doesn’t matter how I approach the subject, the block is there and the idea cannot penetrate deep enough to be grasped. But I have to answer to some people myself and when they ask, “Did you at least try to explain it to them?” there will be a record to prove I’m not lying when I say, “Yes, I did try, in many different ways, but the blocking holds. They will continue to seek reprieve from their mounting social and environmental problems through their old channels, even knowing those have never provided long-term solutions they could build an exponentially better world and civilization upon.” And for me, that will be that, until the day I must return here again.

        If you want to engage with me, rawgod, all I ask is that you listen a lot more closely to what I’m really saying. If that’s asking too much, no problem. This is my blog, I’ll say whatever I choose to say on it and anyone who finds my thoughts or statements unacceptable, belittling or disparaging, can state why and we can have a discussion on specific ideas, or they can quietly unsubscribe. That’s what I like about WordPress: it’s very open and democratic.

      5. rawgod

        Ah, S’T, we need to learn to communicate better. When I said your words are coloured by your experience, that was stating a fact, nothing more, nothing less. It was not a statement of praise, nor a condemnation. All I say is coloured by my experience, it is just a fact of life.
        My only concern was putting thoughts into people’s minds, thoughts they are not spiritually ready for. That is how life goes astray, in my mind. I am certainly not trying to censor you, but I am appealing to your sense of responsibility to others.
        As for the Time Lords, I am not denying that they might exist, but they are completely outside my experience. However, they are within your experience, and I am not about to challenge that. What I am challenging is you telling the world they are absolute truth. When they approach me and invite me into a conversation, then I will have the experience. Right now, you and I are living in two different universes. If we are in different universes, but still with the same basic underlying principles, then extrapolating from there, all living beings are in their own universes. For me, right now, that is the better choice than you and I being in the same universe.
        As for the “no bible, no god” quote, I will have to look back to see it in context, when I get home. Being on the road, my time is limited.
        I hope this helps, but if you wish to postpone our friendship for the time being, your wish is my command…

      6. Sha'Tara Post author

        I already commented to this comment but while thinking about your statement re: interpretation, it seems that people in general, probably due to institutionalized educational brainwashing, do not understand the process of interpretation. How I see it: interpretation of any kind of speech or writing from any communicator, belongs exclusively to the individual receiving the message, never to the messenger. If I write something I know something about, I can only be the only one who knows what that is. The piece of writing, or the speech, form the container for the thoughts therein but thoughts are fluid things, changing and morphing as soon as they encounter other thoughts and mix with them. That’s communication, the freedom to interpret as we want. Any message that is so “solid” it leaves nothing to interpretation is not communication, it’s dictatorship.

      7. rawgod

        No problem, S’T. I know interpretation is on the receiver’s end, but the more we can do to say exactly what it is we want to say, the less need for interpretation, and the less the chance of it being interpreted not as we intended. But I’m willing to move past his. I have said what I wanted to say, a few times over. Unless you want any further clarification, I am willing to move on.

  7. katharineotto

    You certainly write some thought-provoking blogs. Not only the blog itself, but the comments show you’ve tapped into a subject that seems to be on many minds these days. I feel I’ve died and been re-born many times within this life, though changed careers, circumstances, living situations, relationships. I believe so much in simultaneous time, or that time is an illusion, that I’ve never believed suicide would do any good. Maybe I committed suicide in a “previous” life and ended up in a worse place than before.

    Carlos Castenada’s guru, the Yaqui “Man of Knowledge,” Don Juan, claimed it’s best to make a friend of death. Death always sits on your left shoulder and can tap you at any time. To live on the edge of death at all times, with awareness, seems a reasonable attitude to take.

  8. Sha'Tara Post author

    I think the subject of “death” is more relevant today because either consciously or subconsciously people are sensing a great ‘death’ – the death of their civilization – and as in our own physical death, they do not know what is going to happen when the three great ‘gods’ that maintain the global oppressive, destructive structure, in essence ‘die’ and leave mankind to fend for itself among the ruins. By the three gods, I mean Religion, Government and Money. These are the Great Dictators that have had an absolute stranglehold upon mankind for millennia. What will the survivors do without their idols? Will they finally discover that ‘life’ came from within themselves? Will they learn to look at each other, not as competitors but as a necessary and wonderful part of a great fabric? Having seen so much death will they realize that death is not an end but a doorway with its door not always revolving? I feel my own death breathing ever closer down my neck and some days I resent it, some days I welcome it and wish it was over with. I would never deny its very real presence in my life, though I can’t say it is a friend, just a necessity that broaches no denial and calls me to ‘look after myself’ and walk my talk or else that moment will come and I won’t be prepared. I have a goal, a dream, a purpose and a destination: I better be prepared! Who shows up at the airport without a destination, a ticket or a passport?

  9. Sha'Tara Post author

    Thank you for expounding on your experiences on this blog – I’m “honoured” that you did this.

    Speaking of Ouija boards, I had an experience where a collective entity attempted to make themselves/itself my “familiars.” They/It called itself “Atoona and the Collective” and they offered to become my guides at a time when I was experimenting with the New Age movement and it’s various manifestations or modalities. One of two middle aged women, both drug addicts and one a dealer (I knew nothing of that at the time) brought a Ouija board to a meeting and we played with it. That’s when this “collective” came to me. It/They felt very wrong somehow so I basically sent them packing. It wasn’t difficult as my upbringing in both, Catholicism and Evangelical Christianity had taught me about possession and I had seen enough clear cases of such to not be deluded by this offer. Children do not have the kind of discernment required to deal with non-physical entities. Drugs and alcohol addictions are a path to the dark side, no question there for me. I believe that mass shooters for example are possessed individuals, but then so are all people with psychopathic tendencies. Legal drugs only mask the problem and if a possessed is severely drugged up to as not to be useful any longer the spirit entity will move to someone else who is available and receptive, then train that mind to do its bidding, doesn’t matter how many years it takes to achieve the “demonic” spirit’s goal.

    My Teacher, YLea, explained one of her short sayings, “As below so above” which is the reverse of how we use it here. It doesn’t mean the same however. According to the Altarians, Earth is neither special, particularly different and certainly not alone. We of Earth can gain much understanding of the social aspects of our universe by observing life on earth: it is a microcosm of the macrocosm. We are surrounded with intelligent life in various stages of development, or of entropy. Some worlds are better, some are worse, many are very similar to this one. This in part explains why we remain in the s**t we inherit or cause. If we are to change our patterns we need to change ourselves, our very nature. Some claim it isn’t possible but I happen to know better, from personal experience.

    An interesting and certainly uplifting conversation, Colette. Thank you.

    1. colettebytes

      Thank you Sha’Tara and I agree with you entirely. You and I have seen what makes people the way they are. People laugh at the idea of possession, but it is no joke. We cannot always know if suicidal thoughts are ours, or those of some entity trying to steal energy. The people who are weak, become possessed, and the entity feeds off their energy that they create through psychopathic anger. They are not themselves. The people who are stronger, but not strong enough to overpower an entity are those that we label as crazy or mentally unstable. They ask for help and are given drugs that weaken them, allowing the entity to drain their remaining energy. Our only hope to fight them (the unseen) off, is to remain positive, compassionate and energy strong.

      For me, I am seeing a great battle here on earth. It is no surprise to me that the great polarisation of people has begun.

      1. Sha'Tara Post author

        The battle you mention has been going on, on this particular world, since the inception of Homo Sapiens which the Hebrew Scriptures (plagiarized from many older and more reliable sources and added to for purely political reasons) refer to as the episode in the Garden of Eden under the rule of “the LORD God”. A previous creation account (Chap. 1 of the Christian bible to chap. 2, verse 3) tells a different story and people should pay attention to the fact that one “creation” account precedes the other by millions of years! Homo Sapiens, us (or better put the vast majority of Earthians who are not enlightened enough to realize the chaos they cause and are surrounded by) are “ensouled” beings, putting them in a realm somewhere between “gods” and nature. These beings are neither fish nor fowl and cannot know themselves except by faith or denial. As long as they are soul-controlled creatures faith or denial of their reality are their only options. Religion or atheism, both being denial of reality with agnosticism being but the wimpy bastard child of both, faith and atheism. Faith in God and Atheism are both religions.

        Religions arose in order that the “battle for man’s soul” could be joined and perpetrated. The “soul” is an implant, an artificial part of Homo Sapiens whereby the “gods” or “demons” can access an Earthian’s mind and tweak it. It is such a powerful implant that it can be called an operating system that controls the mind. It is also called a virus.

        Now one can see how all “ensouled” Earthians are in effect, “possessed” and it’s just a matter of determining by what kind of force, or forces. The original implant designer and controller were the Elohim, who on earth were led by none other than “the LORD God” known to the Hebrews as YHWH, or Anglicized as “Jehovah”. Adam and Eve and their progeny (who committed the first murder on earth, and were the first to kill and sacrifice animals to their god) were ensouled beings let loose upon an unsuspecting world and literally all hell broke loose from there on. One need only read Genesis (the bible) to realize this. All the people of earth would be eventually “ensouled” and those who refused would be annihilated. Wonder not that Aboriginal peoples were targeted for enslavement or destruction and that continues apace to this day. In the end only “ensouled” Earthians will be left to fight the last battles for the “gods” … as predicted, and as you indicate you also see. As an aside, both sides in that final battle will lose because it will end this civilization that goes back to Eden.

        In order the gain control of my own mind, to choose to become an avatar of compassion and to build up my own energy independently of any “Divine” or “Earthian” sources, I was counselled by the Teachers to either have my soul implant removed, or if not possible, arrange to have it neutralized. Either way it could no longer be activated to cause me to act against my own best judgement. So that is what I did. I was able to do this legally and non-violently. Now I can speak of self empowerment and not even a “divinity” and certainly no Power can claim otherwise. The downside of all of this is, while “ensoulement” is communicable, or infectious, my “condition” can only be attained through some serious personal choice and willingness to admit to forces we generally dismiss out of hand, and to fight them on their own turf.

      2. colettebytes

        Blimey Sha’Tara. Are you a warrior? How does one have a soul plant removed? Is this when you came close to death, and then changed your name and identity?

        I think I am in control of myself, but I admittedly don’t know if that is an illusion. Your above description of the age old battle would indicate that I am just a body’s to be used in the maneuverings of beings with power. I suddenly feel like a gladiator facing a thumbs up or thumbs down, dependent on the mood of Caesar!
        How crap is that!

      3. Sha'Tara Post author

        How to answer that? Yours are legitimate questions. The first is easy, yes, I am a warrior. I am of those, as it is said, who walk between heaven and earth, one of the “WindWalkers” as we are also called. This I do consciously… now!

        Some realizations must take place before any legal and binding negotiations can take place in having one’s soul implant removed or neutralized (results are the same). First must come the recognition that this isn’t a game; that the condition is real and there can be no denial or room left for doubt. So, it’s a plunge into the unknown in a sense. Second, finding out who’s really “in charge” of this looney bin and dealing with that entity, whether singular or plural – in spirit that does not matter. Through the teachings of the Altarians I came to see, and accept, that this entire universe is owned and ruled by seriously evil entitites we refer to as “the Time Lords.” Ultimately these are the source of all our problems. They are the forces behind our “wizards” who are given the power to play with such as Religion, Governments and Money. How they control the rest of the universe, I’m not sure, but on earth, they use Earthians (called by the Altarians “pseudo-humans) who are implanted with their soul. They invented all power groups, collectives, nations, militaries, corporations, cities, religious denominations, banking cartels (World Bank, IMF, the Fed, Central banks, etc.). They destroy naturally occurring communities of people and even of animals and all efforts at implementing communal cooperative living. Their motto is ‘divide and conquer’ and conquering is what they do. They are predators. By using time, they made intelligent life aware of non-infinity and introduced acceptance of death throughout the universe. They invented measures so we could determine “the life span” of a thing whereas where there is no awareness of time, nothing dies and where there is no measurement there is no such thing as a life span. They went so far as to put a time limit on the very universe they depend on for their survival and they have cursed themselves to destruction for when time ends, so do they. But that is not for a very long time, and a totally different kind of war when all intelligent sentience in the universe rises up and destroys its oppressors by destroying time and all measurements. For the time being, any ‘thing’ that wields power over is a servant of the Time Lords, however far removed in space/time. Anything with a soul is subject to Time Lord interference and manipulation.

        I cannot tell anyone HOW to have a soul removed or neutralized but I can relate how I did it. No, it did not happen at the beginning of this incredible odyssey, but half-way through counting from today. I felt I had the power and just the right “connection” to make my appeal to one of the major Time Lord representative on earth, my old buddy, Yahweh. As usual he didn’t show up but he did send a lesser representative, one well versed in the shenanigans of legalities (remember, our legal systems are all based on Time Lord laws and procedures, no surprise there). Niceties over, this nice, well-dressed, well fed, well spoken middle aged male Jehovian lawyer and I got down to it. “I appeal for the removal of my soul implant, as a full-fledged human being.” “What gives you the right to make such an appeal?” “I know that any full-fledged human has the legal right to make such an appeal.” “Why should I believe you when you claim to be a full-fledged human?” “I will open my mind to you, and you will see for yourself.”

        That was a dangerous move but I had no alternatives. He looked and came back, looking at me silently. “Well? Do you accept my appeal?” “Yes, I do. I will grant your request on one condition.” I knew that was coming. “You will acknowledge, to me, for the record, that this world belongs to Yahweh and others of his rank, whom I represent, and that you can only remain here if you pay us an acceptable form of rent since we will not be able to access your mind any longer. We cannot let you live here otherwise.” “I understand. What do you want as “rent” as you call it?” “Your solemn, inviolable promise that you will help us when we ask you to, as long as it does not violate your own life purpose and goals.” “That is acceptable. Thank you.”

        And that was that. I had learned, from reading and experience, that “warriors” cannot afford to let their fears rule their decisions. I have not regretted my choice. It proved, without a doubt, that I had become an empowered being who could negotiate with forces that most people of this world still fear, believe they must worship or treat with disdain, as irrelevant imaginings. This is what I understand to be real “witch” power, and no wonder witches (real or imagined) were feared and so thoroughly persecuted throughout times. They were always the most feared enemies of all representatives of the Time Lords.

        FYI: Time Lords are a totally misogynistic culture. No female holds any real power in TL controlled worlds. That was another key to realizing that Earth had become enslaved to TL domination. There is so much more, but enough for now, perhaps?

        PS: some have said before, ‘Why would they let you publish such information?” and the answer is simple: the soul implant guarantees that only those already escaping the lure and illusions of the Time Lords will believe a word of it. If the implant screams, “Fake News!” then it’s fake news. The TL’s grip on the mind will not be loosened by this information, it takes personal effort, a great deal of such, and over many, many years… and lives!

      4. rawgod

        Ahhh, my poor S’T, it seems my past lesson has been forgotten, over-ridden, or rescinded, or not applied to all dituations equally. You keep on wtiting as if yours is the only way, that because things happened to you and for you that no other possibilities to get from there to here exist. Dearest S’T, there ard more ways than yours to both become actualized (or emancopated, self-aware, self-enabling, and self-reponsible).
        My experience has been completely different from yours, yet here I am waiting for you, wstching you come up on the other rail of the track. We are unable to each see exactly what the other sees, but we see we a0re moving in the same directon!
        I do not know where to start, so I will let my memory run amuck?
        Drugs and slcohol can plague anyone, but they are not causes of addiction per se. Many things csuse addiction, becsuse addiction starts in the mind more often than it does in the mind. Most things, including drugs and alcohol are safe in moderation.
        Atheism is not a religion, unless a religion can have but one adhrrent. Religions are communities band togegher foe safety in numbers. There are no numbers but “1” in atheism. Every atheist is alone in their disbelief. What you 8might see as a coming war can nevrr happen. Each atheist is an afmy of one. Nor is atheism a relihion, no matter jow much you want it yo be. This id no set of rules or laws, There is no bible. There are only people, who believe but one thing: Ghere is no superbejng directing life, anywhere
        And with those words I pause, and willmtry to pick up tjis conversation tonight.

      5. Sha'Tara Post author

        Hi again, rawgod! Quote: “Ahhh, my poor S’T, it seems my past lesson has been forgotten, over-ridden, or rescinded, or not applied to all dituations equally. You keep on wtiting as if yours is the only way, that because things happened to you and for you that no other possibilities to get from there to here exist. Dearest S’T, there ard more ways than yours to both become actualized (or emancopated, self-aware, self-enabling, and self-reponsible).

        If there is one thing I’m always conscious of, it’s that “my way” is clearly stated as “my way” and not anyone else’s way. The path of the avatar leaves no footprints, but like the wind, it exists and it is felt. Do you object when the wind is too cold, or blows in the “wrong” direction? What would be the point? I do not expect belief in what I express, but I also know I have every right to express it as I know it and experienced it. If I say that I have seen 3 pink elephants fly over my house last night, that is true for me and takes nothing away from anyone else. I never ask anyone to believe what I claim to be true but I state it in some hope, if I may use that overused word, that it will trigger some thoughts in the ‘other’ that will help them think and reason things as they are and why they are. Do we sense our world is in trouble? Then we should all work at providing solutions. Those begin by identifying the source of the problem and I’ve always believed that finding the ultimate source is where one should begin. It’s always a matter of discernment and personal power, should I say, daring!

        As to atheism, you may want to check out “The First Church of Atheism” which is now a world-wide organization, and growing. Only true anarchists can make the claim to be of one.

      6. Sha'Tara Post author

        Taking a break from work and rereading your comment, perhaps a few points: there is a bible, I’ve got several versions of the book including an e-version on this phone. I studied it and often quote from it: fact, evidence. As for a ‘super being,’ at least 6 billion people attest, by their faith that such a one exists. I no longer believe in God by faith because once you know faith is redundant. That doesn’t mean you have to believe any of it. For me it’s about observations and conclusions. What else, there are only people who believe but one thing… I observe people and listen to them. They believe an infinite number of things at any moment of the day based on input. Ask any believer and not two of them will agree on what God really is or wants. But they still are believers by their faith in God. Back to the grind…

      7. rawgod

        Even though the bible is claimed to hold an excess of wisdom, as long as that wisdom is tied to belief, it is meaningless. Better to quote almost any other book than that one. But, once again, that is only my opinion.
        For myself, the only source I like to quote is me. Generally, though, I just like to say what I am inspired to respond, and if I accidentally quote anyone but me, well, shit happens.

      8. rawgod

        First I must apologize for my horrible spelling. I was writing the above late at night, then early in the morning. I wss on limited time, but I wanted to get the first part of my message across as quickly as I could. I thought it was that important, and I still do, and always will.
        We, every living being in existence, are all on our own spiritual journey, and due to the nature of life, we all travel that journey at our own speed, as well as having our own starting points. Further, we each understand life according to our own places and paces. Not everyone is ready to understand certain things at their present points in their journeys that others understand because of their different positions along their own journeys. And the worst thing those who are futher along their journeys can do is ask those not as far along their journeys to understand what they understand. One must be ready to understand the thing in question or they will interpret that thing according to their own abilities and experiences.
        This understanding is in no way elitist or a show of superiority, though there are those that will always take it that way. We all start equal, as know-nothing living beings, and we will all end equal, as life-understanding beings. Our physical ages are unimportant. Our mental ages are unimportant. Even the number of times we have lived is unimportant. Only our understanding is important, and in time we will all have that same understanding. The process has been started. Nothing can ever stop it.

      9. colettebytes

        That is most interesting Sha’Tara.

        I do wonder why we are so conditioned, like puppets. What do these time Lords achieve with all this war mongering and control of Pseudo Humans? I am not sure why they would even bother to control the power centres unless there was some kind of reward?

        Thank you for sharing your experiences. 😊

      10. Sha'Tara Post author

        Thanks Colette. Not to belabour this, but I need to try to explain this question regarding the Time Lords: ” I am not sure why they would even bother to control the power centres unless there was some kind of reward?” I had similar questions of the Teachers. That’s when I learned the “as below, so above” concept. Why do psychopaths need to dominate and harm or hurt others? What’s the payoff? It could be many things. In our world it usually boils down to power and money, or money, then power. In many cases, it’s just the insane need to dominate another, or others; to abuse, oppress, hurt physically or mentally; to destroy. The Time Lords are psychopaths. They love inflicting pain. Frank Herbert, when writing “Dune” expressed this so well when he created the Harkonen dynasty of the planet Geidi-Prime, the arch-enemies of the Atreides.  The Harkonens revelled in inflicting pain by every method known. J.R.R. Tolkien also created two characters with complete psychopathic natures. The first in the Silmarilion was Morgoth Bauglir, followed by his disciple Sauron in the trilogy, Lord of the Rings. There is a lot I could say about the Time Lords but we’ve seen how their servants, say a Stalin, a Hitler, a Henry Kissinger, an Augusto Pinochet to name only a few modern ones, operated. As below, so above.

  10. Akhila

    Catharsis… since it being you I am not asking if the revelation could last forever.. but can it happen in reality with all…..can a person have a “before nature” and “after nature”

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thanks for commenting, Akhila. To your question, the answer is a definite “yes”. We are designed with the ability to change our mental nature. We say it often enough, “I changed my mind.” only we don’t realize what we are saying, just like when we say, “I love you!” Changing one’s mind means becoming a differently sensing and thinking entity. Saying “I love you” can only mean, “My life belongs to you and I am always ready to serve you and to die for you.” It can have no lesser meaning – but we bastardize it and water it down until such words become meaningless and powerless to represent reality. We, individually, are to blame for our weakened position, no one and nothing else.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.