What about Pastafarianism, then?

[thoughts from a bottle of wine, by Sha’Tara]

Well, all that writing and comments on religion, one side being those who ardently support the existence of God, one side being those who equally, ardently do not support the existence of God, was a lot of fun. It would be more fun if all of it wasn’t taken so darn seriously, but this is Earth, so I guess the proper expression here is: deal with it and get over it.

So… I think I have. I can’t be sure, but you will notice that at the very least, I’m thinking and that, again this being Earth, is no small feet… I mean feat. (I must have joined my earthworm at the glass of wine a bit soon, and stayed a bit too long, time will tell.) If that aside doesn’t make sense, either you did not read some of the comments, or, bless you, you had better things to do and then, yes, of course it does not make sense, it will not make sense and probably I can’t explain it either so it could make sense. Shall we move on, then?

Having thus overcome the terrible desire to engage, engage, engage, as if I were the captain of the Enterprise, and use up all my demagoguerite vocabulary on smoke and mirrors, I did some research about alternatives to, you know, Absolutely Certainty, and came up with the following. First, to avoid all errors, let’s start with a link. Links, as we all know, are the 21st Century’s Word of God. Links are The Truth. Without Links, no one is going anywhere and there is no salvation.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pastafarianism

What is Pastafarianism?

It’s the great and almighty atheist religion which teaches how the world was created by the flying spaghetti monster who happened to be drunk which thus explains why bad things happen. Pastafarians follow the church of the flying spaghetti monster and when they go to heaven they will enjoy a beer volcano and a stripper factory (which makes me wonder what’s in it for the ladies but let’s not quibble about small matters, it’s only eternity after all), however in hell the beer is stale and the strippers have VD! In pastafarian terms agnostics are known as spagnostics and all prayers must end with RAmen. September 19th is the national “talk like a pirate” day and the religions founder Bobby Henderson has published a “Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster”.

What attracted me to Pastafarianism – not saying I’m going to join, I don’t own a colander to wear at special functions and a veil or burka (or burqa or burqah) would definitely be frowned upon – were the very words of the Flying Spaghetti Monster Itself, specifically the eight “I’d really rather you didn’t” non-commandments, as brought to us by Its Prophet, Bobby Henderson (No, not that Bobby Henderson, the other one!)

The Sacred Eight I’d Really Rather you Didn’ts:

1)I’d really rather you didn’t act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, I’m not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject.

2)I’d really rather you didn’t use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don’t require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.

3)I’d really rather you didn’t judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, Okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we’re talking about fashion and I’m sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.

4)I’d really rather you didn’t indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is go f*** yourself, unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.

5)I’d really rather you didn’t challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the b******s.

6)I’d really rather you didn’t build multi million-dollar churches/temples/mosques/shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
Ending poverty
Curing diseases
Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable. I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.

7)I’d really rather you didn’t go around telling people I talk to you. You’re not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can’t you take a hint?

8)I’d really rather you didn’t do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/Las Vegas. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it’s a piece of rubber. If I didn’t want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.

In the words of the flying spaghetti monster himself, (and written by Bobby Henderson, the creator of Pastafarianism)

There you have it. The best news of all is, you don’t have to be Italian to be a pastafarian. Or at least I don’t think so, I’m deducing, à la Sherlock Holmes (Yes, that Sherlock Holmes)

What did you expect, it’s Canada Day here, or so I’m told, and we all take that very, very seriously here, or so I’m told. I might hang out some laundry today. I hope it isn’t mistaken for a foreign flag and someone sends the RCMP to investigate. Nah, this is Canada. What flag? We keep changing our minds about that, and the national anthem also… Not to worry, some day we’ll get it right, or left, or leave it and join a Word Federation or something so that we can have social justice, equality and happiness when meeting a stranger.  I’d like that, even better than Pastafarianism.

 

 

29 thoughts on “What about Pastafarianism, then?

  1. timkeen40

    I have my own problems with religion in general, first and foremost, it being a man-made thing and having nothing to do with the scriptures.

    Oops, just by saying that, I laid the foundation for a new religions.

    Good, good post. I love it when we dare to think of something other than what we are told we should think.

    Tim

    Reply
    1. Jean-Jacques @ Gypsy Café

      Hi Sha’Tara and Tim – I’m just jumping in here with a quick response to what you said about religion being a man made thing. I think that could be debatable from a depth psychology point of view as it is believed by some of them that man is fundamentally religious by his very nature, albeit in an unconscious or ‘primitive’ way. On a conscious level this primitive religiosity is channeled into various formats: if not ideology, then religion; if not religion then spirituality, if not spirituality then in our age it would be environmentalism or veganism or atheism or something else, but all humans need to believe in ‘something’, even if just in his or her family – but humans need a reason for being alive – and will find a reason if none is evident.

      I’m currently trying to work my way through a book by Marie Louise von Franz, the well known Jungian and muse of Carl Gustav Jung. A week ago or so I came across this part in a response to a question:
      “It can also be said that the Greeks, through their intellectual evolution, lost a certain aspect of primitive religion. that immediate primitive religious attitude which as far as we can see, is common to all primitive civilizations.”
      – In other words when civilizations modernize people lose their natural religiosity to an extent.
      She continues:
      “A study of primitive civilizations shows their religious attitude towards life as being something completely self-evident. Religion was not separated from the profane, everyday life, but the self-evident basis of everything done, believed and said. In his primitive condition, man is naturally religious and his religion pervades his whole nature and all his activities. Greek civilization had evolved from that state through the pre-Socratic and Sophistic philosophy and the various evolutions of Greek philosophy.”

      – So by now we have left this primitive religious state of mind so far behind that we think religion is man-made – it is not self-evident anymore as it was for “primitive civilizations”.

      Later on she says further: “A return to the primitive self-evident attitude towards life is a requisite for the experience of the Self, which cannot be found through the conscious mind and with the developed part of the personality, but by first returning to that primitive human attitude”
      [Quoted from: Alchemy – An Introduction to the Symbolism and Psychology – Marie-Louise von Franz – 1980 – Inner City Books, Pages 94 & 95 ]

      Reply
      1. Sha'Tara Post author

        Thank you for your well-worded comment. Where I would question is the concept of “religion” as applicable to primitive societies. I don’t see that as religion, more like a innate awareness of the spirit aspect of all things, hence spirituality. Religion however, that is purely man-made and the purpose is to control and to enhance one’s power at the expense of believers. There’s so much more that could be expounded upon here but I’m simply out of time! Feel free to add more to the discussion, Jean-Jacques.

      2. Jean-Jacques @ Gypsy Café

        Thanks for your reply Sha’Tara – I guess the what you mean is organised religion, like for example the church being part of politics. Well, I think the separation of church and state has happened in many if not most parts of the world, so I can agree to an extent. Also true of any spiritual or religious groupings where ‘gurus’ or priests can/could abuse their power over their followers. Nevertheless I think on an individual, autonomous level – as the text explains, we are all “religious” in some way of the other. Thank you for a thought-provoking discussion!

      3. Jean-Jacques @ Gypsy Café

        An example of how the awareness of the spirit in all things manifests religiously would be the ceremonies and rituals that almost all indigenous peoples practice – and even modern spiritual people partake in ceremonies and rituals – whether through gatherings with chanting or meditation or processions, etc. Those would be the religious aspects of the spiritual awareness.

    1. rawgod

      I would probably agree with you on the stale beer, George, except I don’t give a shit about alcohol, though if I did, the only thing that would reach my tummy would be thick Cuban rum, colour optional.
      But, come on, strippers with VD? What’s the problem? All you’re doing is looking, right? And how many people with STDs (VD is stale, really stale!) can you tell have them just by looking at them? Stripping is a visual art, last time I checked, which was about 40 years ago.
      And am I taking this too seriously? Impossible. Fun is fun, as long as you don’t hurt anyone having yours. And life should be fun! Funny thing though, there should be no such word as should, it implies that there is a particular way for something to be done. No way, Jorge, 7.2 billion people in the world = 7.2 billion ways of getting a thing done. Forshtay”?
      (chuckle, chuckle, chuckle)

      Reply
      1. Sha'Tara Post author

        No there shouldn’t, should there. At least, I should think not. We should try to avoid it, shouldn’t we.

  2. Regis Auffray

    Cleverly (and as usual, meaningfully written) with a piquant of humour. Love it. Well done, Sha’Tara. Thank you for sharing.

    Regis

    *Régis (Reg) Auffray*

    Email: *r jauffray52@gmail.com *

    *Website: **http://www.authorsden.com/regisjauffray *

    *Facebook: **http://www.facebook.com/people/Regis_Auffray/538821429 *

    * *

    On Sun, Jul 1, 2018 at 5:04 PM, ~Burning Woman~ wrote:

    > Sha’Tara posted: “[thoughts from a bottle of wine, by Sha’Tara] Well, all > that writing and comments on religion, one side being those who ardently > support the existence of God, one side being those who equally, ardently do > not support the existence of God, was a lot of fu” >

    Reply
  3. rawgod

    Is that what I am doing wrong, S’T, not hitting a bottle? Or puffing on a joint? Or dropping some kind of pill? Or shooting something into my veins, possibly a piece of spaghetti? Maybe I could just eat a bit of ahahuasca?
    Nah. I think I’ll just have another glass of milk. Can’t nobody say it was the milk!

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Now who’s hitting the bottle, eh, Canuck? I was going to respond to your previous comment with, Aha! Huasca! Cuban black rum, a coupla cubes of sugar… It’s black hole time!

      Reply
  4. Woebegone but Hopeful

    There has to be a schism. A religion just isn’t a religion if it doesn’t split upon doctrinal lines, with both sides hating each other with a vitriol that transcends anything two five year olds would cause arguing over a toy.
    Hi Canada

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Hi back! Yes, there has to be a schism. Ever a schism. Blech! to both sides. Your greeting to Canada got me to thinking about a similar greeting to your little islands… then I couldn’t think of the appropriate name, title, whatever, so in my mind I went through the names: Great Britain, the British Isles, England and finally Albion… which brought up the pejorative, “Perfidious Albion.” I remembered that phrase from high school history, or perhaps from reading French slanted history and I had to wiki it:
      Perfidious Albion is an anglophobic pejorative phrase used within the context of international relations and diplomacy to refer to alleged acts of diplomatic sleights, duplicity, treachery and hence infidelity by monarchs or governments of the British Empire in their pursuit of self-interest.
      It may seem out of context but then I realized how that had followed through and infected the USA as well. The title would certainly fit America better than GB today. The spoilt child may have run away from home, but it carried the traits of the mother to what may become a grand finale for the whole world, or perhaps just an implosion.

      Reply
      1. Woebegone but Hopeful

        During the late 19th century an Italian journalist wrote ‘Of course the sun never sets on the British Empire. God would never trust an English man in the dark!’
        We’re were very good at the game actually. A game which everyone was playing, and then the whole thing ended up with WWI/WWII, Europe was battered and exhausted and others took up the game.
        And so it goes on.

  5. Phil Huston

    Ya, Mon – Pastafarianism. You know people will balk, and factionalize. Is Mac & Cheese true pasta? Is gluten free holier. Corn or Rice or Almond flour? Can you get into Pasta heaven if you’re spiritually al dente? And lasagna leftovers…Quick, call Edgar Cayce on that one!
    Great stuff. Personally I’m waiting for the slow motion rapture of a fabric softener commercial to overwhelm me. Will it be a lavender or crisp linen moment?

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      It will be lavender, of course. I am a lavender supporter! I deny the existence of crisp linen! Time to get the troops marshaled and have a demonstration and confrontation with those crisp linen types. They’re absolutely wrong and they’ve got to be stopped! Fun comment, Phil, I enjoyed that.

      Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thanks for that comment, Jerry. You do realize, of course (probably doesn’t even need mentioning) that it was the Flying Spaghetti Monster who created the very first pair of Angel Hair Pasta? I believe it’s mentioned in Robert Henderson’s Gospel from which were extracted the salient points that led to the Church of Pastafarianism… If memory serves, and why Pasta has its ups and downs, they were expelled from Spaghetti heaven for violating the law against food fights. So now, as Phil and Roger pointed out, we must, sadly, expect more schisms as new pasta dishes are invented – sorry the creation part is closed. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is on an extended leave in a surprise inspection of a colander factory. These things take time.

      Reply

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