So far, so good, what I know

So far, so good, and this is what I know.

I know I’m not what acquaintances think I am. I knew this long ago but it’s one of those things not easy to admit. If I’m not what’s portrayed on the social flat screen display, then I have to make the effort to discover who I really am.

From somewhen during the time of gestation we are programmed to not know who we are but to rely upon the social video and mirror display for the answer to “who am I?” I am assigned a gender, given a name, raised in the social family zoo which eventually expands to include a neighbourhood, a school, possibly a church, sports clubs or the farm, personal relationships, college, a job, marriage, the sprouting of a new family zoo, bits and pieces of the planet seen from the tourist’s eye-view and so on until death.

What I might suspect I might be is not relevant to any of that. If there is a funeral, some gathered folks, eulogy or such words spoken, in the end all that will be said can be put in these words: was she a good function? A good tool?

Tonight I was just starting to read a book called “Waking Gods” by Sylvain Neuvel. Basically the protagonist awakens to the fact that she is not who people think she is and the person they think she is, is already dead, only they don’t know that, she does. She has read ‘her’ personal history and story and realizes, having awakened from some dream, how little she has in common with her doppelganger. Bits and pieces only, little else, and the relationships the ‘others’ insist on linking her with she has to pretend to have some emotional connections to it. She doesn’t want them but her social status insists, for the moment, that she agrees to them.

And I went, ‘Wow!’ Indeed, that is how it is when you awaken to your real self. It won’t change the social camera display or the face in the mirror but it will change everything within. That’s where the real me lives and if I open my mind to myself, a lot is going to change, outside the necessary pretense.

Then I begin to wonder, how necessary is that pretense after all? What reputation I may have isn’t mine, it belongs to the camera and the mirror. Do I care about that? Isn’t it a fact that any reputation the social image maintains isn’t for me, but for the benefit of the the social construct? Do I care about the social mirage? The family? The friends and neighbours who would turn on me in a second if they realized that the “me” I’ve been talking about for years is actually real, and not the B&W photos or Kodachrome cartoon face from the family album they associate with me?

I know that the day I chose a purpose for my life; that I chose to no longer be a function of the Matrix, that everything changed.  My life was turned right side up and I’ve been walking normally ever since. A good thing to know.

Quote: “When I enter a spiritual journey, who am I traveling to see? When I go on a quest, what am I looking for? When I go on a mind’s voyage of discovery, what do I hope to find? The answer: myself, always myself. Everything is a reflection of myself. If I don’t like it, I have but one option: to change myself.” — Sha’Tara – monologues.

39 thoughts on “So far, so good, what I know

  1. Regis Auffray

    As always, very thought-awakening… …not that I can even begin to understand, even if I would love to. I love someone I cannot be with. I can try to “get it.” But it changes nothing for me. Always appreciate the depth of your writing and sharing though. Thank you.

  2. rawgod

    Keep on waking up, S’T, if that is what you are still doing. You do not have to be on TV, or in a movie, you are the movie. No one is watching it but you, because no one is truly in it but you. The rest of us are watching our own movies, where you are but a bit player, an extra.
    But, though we might all be extras in other people’s movies, we are still capable of hogging the screen for brief moments. What kind of impact do you want to have on those movies? That is up to you to decide. WHO do you want them to see? The social contract you, or the real you? Are you wearing theatre costumes, and reading from a script? Or are you wearing your own clothes, and ab-libbing your lines?
    As you rehearse (in your own movie), so shall you appear in other’s movies. All that is up to you…

  3. jim-

    “You will be as the gods, knowing good and evil”. Since all of us really understand it up until a new awakening (several) or none of us what exactly is the purpose of all this might be (if there is one) maybe you already are [sic] your real self, and discovering a better way puts you at odds with ‘the way’ here. Discovery leads to the undiscovered (What the hell was that? I may need coffee) The whitewash is on, the fix is in, and what we’ve been conditioned, tricked to focus on is non other than the evil twin. We have the power within. Waking it is the trick, but why?

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Some day, I know, a new kind of human will take over this world, one that will have discovered, not only that they are born programmed, but how to break out of that programming and discover what it means to be alive. Until then the gods, be they religious, political or plutocrats, will have the day.

  4. Samita Shrestha

    I am a true fan of your writing. How flawlessly you presented the idea, of being us. Everyone is different and they have their life to strive, survive and live. And whats more than good, than to be the best version of oneself…..

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thanks Samita. I appreciate your comment. Whatever it costs, if we must change then we must strive to change towards the good, always. Our current society is showing us how terrible it is to go the other way, the selfish way.

  5. Lisa R. Palmer

    Love this!!! And feeling grateful for the reminder. Was walking down similar mind-roads this morning myself. More “proof,” I guess, that though I must walk alone, I am not truly alone on this path. ❤️

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      There are individuals on this path but no collectives! And that is a truism… So yes, we are utterly alone, yet never alone.

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      I’ve just started reading it and it seems to be shifting (and confusing) so I’m not recommending it, just that in the opening pages it gave me an idea. I didn’t quote from the actual book, but from my mind… 🙂

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thanks for your comment, CA… for some reason I missed it in my email download, maybe because of the sheer volume of it and switching between apps to try to stay afloat, hah! It shames me that I posted without spending my usual bit of time polishing – this reads more like a poorly thought rough draft. I’m thankful that those who read it, including yourself, overlooked that part and focused on the thoughts expressed. WordPress is such a great place to blog on!

      1. TheCovertAtheist

        Well it is still well written. A lot of my posts have mistakes and crap in them, even though I do check them before, I don’t find out until later lol. Yeah WordPress is a great place to hang out and post stuff, and it’s all free (unless you want the premium extras).

      2. Sha'Tara Post author

        Last week I decided to switch to a paid site. I haven’t noticed any difference yet but it’s supposed to have removed the “this post is ad supported” thing and the stupid ads. Haven’t had time to check it out to see what perks the paid version has gotten me!

      3. TheCovertAtheist

        Ads are annoying I guess, but for what I do the free version is just fine. If my blog was somewhat commercial though, that’s a different story. Will be interesting to see what improvements the paid version has then.

  6. Akhila

    Sometimes or most of the times I am stuck at this question.. and it’s like sometimes I feel there is a stranger in me who plays a devil advocate’s role. And then I doubt who was the real me?

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thanks for commenting, Akhila. I don’t want to pretend I know so much, but in my case I choose to believe that all of it is the real me and when I disagree with myself I am being given a choice of paths to take and I change myself time and time again. My Teacher YLea used to introduce herself to me as… “I am, will be, YLea of the WindWalkers.” What she meant by that was that we who have chosen to awaken are in a state of forever change, forever becoming. (PS: the ‘WindWalkers’ are those people who have learned to walk between worlds, usually it is said that they walk between heaven and earth. I’m pretty sure you’re one of those, Akhila!)

  7. Lander7

    You stated — “I know that the day I chose a purpose for my life; that I chose to no longer be a function of the Matrix, that everything changed. My life was turned right side up and I’ve been walking normally ever since. A good thing to know.”

    My response — This is interesting, are you saying that until a person has a purpose (no longer running on automatic or in a sheep state), that they are a component within the machine?

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Yes Lander7 that’s pretty much what I am saying. It’s my experience anyway. When you take the red pill you become as poison to the Matrix/Machine so you get thrown out. That disconnection is supposed the scare the hell out of you when in fact it’s the only way I know to find one’s freedom.

      1. Lander7

        Interesting way of looking at reality. I’m not sure how I perceive what you are saying.

        I do know this, and it may fit… creative people seem to be on a much different track than those who get in line.

        Almost like two different worlds coexisting together. I haven’t focused on it, but I think I will.

        Something, I think, is happening in the world, that is causing the divide between the two to become more obvious.

        And that makes me curious

      2. Sha'Tara Post author

        What I know, because of my interaction with non-earth entities, is that we have entered into a time of ending. Our patriarchal “civilization” which is warlike and predatory, is collapsing due to overload of corruption. The majority of people (sheeple) will continue to believe in, and support, the old ways no matter what. Out of that, a mutation is (already) happening that is no longer able to interact normally with the corrupt patriarchy. That mutation is going to spread throughout the planet and cause a rift, speeding up the process of decay and entropy for this civilization until all of it is destroyed to the very last vestige along with every single individual who wants to keep some parts of it to bring into the future. The mutants are going to provide an invincible energetic wall to prevent any of the old ways from coming through.

        This simple statement begs questions galore and a demand for details that would require massive amounts of “time” and explanations that even the best science fiction could not invent. Personally I can “see” what is happening because some of it has, and is, happening to me, but I cannot explain it except in huge, coarse brush strokes. In the beginning of it, this “change agent” mutation is strictly a mind thing. At this moment there is still the possibility of non-awakened individuals to change their own mind and become part of the mutation in its early stages. When the mutation develops further and begins to impact the physical body it will be too late. Then, instead of one species of compatible Earthians, there will be two and they will be incompatible in mind and body. There will be the ‘old’ die hard species, the ‘Earthians’ as we call them, who will continue to kill and destroy; to rape, enslave, poison and hate everything that opposes their will and desires. There will be the mutation which will be a true humanity, humane, compassionate and empathetic. In time, despite horrific persecution the new humanity will win out and the old will die out. Everything the old ever did, including all records of its passage here or elsewhere will be destroyed, carrying no aspect of itself into the future of mankind on earth and beyond.

        Earth isn’t just entering into a ‘new age’ but changing into something else and only the mutants will be able to match her new frequencies and thrive with her until their time with her is done and they move on for at heart all true humans are space farers, avatars of compassion, shepherds of new sentience and eternals.

      3. Lander7

        You stated — “The mutants are going to provide an invincible energetic wall to prevent any of the old ways from coming through.”

        My response — Cultural mutations…. interesting. You or your sources see them as a growing strength that can overcome the current governing bodies. I see this as a possibility so no disagreement there.

        I am curious why you would believe your sources. What have they done to earn your trust in them? Do you think they are capable of lying to you?

      4. Sha'Tara Post author

        Why do I trust the Teachers? I will say that they never asked me to believe, or do, anything contrary to what I already knew, or wanted to do. All they did was help me understand how I could empower myself and how I could get rid of my programming implant – that thing people refer to as their “immortal” soul – so I could reason for myself and act on that reasoning of my own free will/choice. Then they tested me, year after year, making me explore my own agenda as I interacted with other Earthians. Basically they explained ‘life’ not as something you do, or go through but as something that you can become and that becoming they explained, is an endless process. They told me a bit of their own history, and the history of this universe and introduced me to the world (the world I call Altaria) they had “salvaged” from this universe and hidden in what they call the Nexus – long story there. To test my resolve about compassion through total detachment, El Issa, one of my Altarian Teachers guided me through a life-exchange process in which I voluntarily offered my own life in exchange for another who was condemned to death for “adultery” in a Muslim country ruled by Sharia law. I spent one and a half years on “death row” so to speak while the case went through the courts. In the end “they” chose to let the other woman go free for “lack of evidence” – but I never backed down. It was all a question of, don’t tell us what you believe or know, show us what you are willing to do with your beliefs and your knowledge. They didn’t give me any special powers, they just showed me how I could bring mine out and use them. When they felt I had enough to complete this life-cycle, they left with the understanding that I would remain under observation. Some unforgettable cryptic “lessons”: “Nothing is impossible.” “As below, so above.” “Believe all things, believe IN nothing.”

      5. Lander7

        You stated — “Personally I can “see” what is happening because some of it has, and is, happening to me, but I cannot explain it except in huge, coarse brush strokes.”

        My response — Are you a writer?

      6. Sha'Tara Post author

        Am I a writer? What is a writer? Like love, a writer can be many things, can have an endless number of reasons for writing. I have ideas, I know “things” that no one else has clued in on yet so writing and speaking are useful to share such things and here on WordPress I express my ideas and a few people look at them, some rejecting outright, some misunderstanding, some intrigued for a short time until they disappear in the woodwork… I have no desire to be a “writer” as such, or an author, but I like sharing challenging thoughts with like-minded individuals for as long as that lasts, and without attachments to outcomes, without any expectations. I do have a few unpublished novels which I use as measures of where I was to where I am now. I am currently posting one of those novels here – The Antierra Manifesto – three to four pages at a time, just to test the waters and perhaps to teach as well as entertain. The theme is misogyny and the story is harsh. I also have a novel on the concept, process and “spiritual” nature of transgender written from experience as I am a transgendered being. I have other science fiction novels that are not completed to my satisfaction but will get back to, time permitting.

        Actually, you know what? I am all things and I am nothing. That is the truth of it.

      7. Lander7

        You bring up a great possibility but my thought is that this ability is just part of our nature. It seems to have been going on for as long as mankind has been creative.

        As a writer you may have an opportunity to use it.

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      That is a truism. The next question is, are you awake lying in bed with one eye open, or are you already out on the street delivering the mail or opening the door to your daycare center? I’ve known a lot of “new age awake” people who were/are quite soundly asleep. All they did was get a new bed to sleep in.

  8. Hyperion

    What a gift it is to live inside one’s self and be comfortable there. I find it easy to smile and dream pleasant dreams.

  9. selizabryangmailcom

    Your account above reminds me of The Body Snatchers. Remember how they pointed and their mouths dropped open and the horrible screech came out whenever they encountered one *not like them*? I picture that happening to you with your friends and loved ones, once they realize you’re not the *old* Sha they once knew, but some new kind of Sha who looks and acts the same but is living a completely different life from them!

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thanks. I’m unfamiliar with Body Snatchers but yes, the changes in me did cause quite a reverse pole effect amongst family, friends, co-workers. Most were repulsed, some were temporarily attracted and all I wanted was to be left alone to work out my changes and new directions! On the long haul, what would it matter? Those people went on their way, I went on mine and the only thing that got hurt was the drama, the tempest in the teapot. Now it’s other people, and other tempests but you get pretty good at knowing when to fold the sails and stay close to the tiller.


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