Yes, many of the women are frightened by my words and the ideas they create in their minds. I have to keep reminding them that they are going to be killed violently regardless of what they do.
End blog post #63
Begin blog post #64
“What have you got to lose? Some of you here will be dead next week, see? You are afraid of whips, of torture, of punishment, of being taken down into the inquisition’s dungeons, but what is the arena after all? Isn’t it all the same?
“Here’s a truly revolutionary idea for you. What if all of us, all the women, all the girls, of T’Sing Tarleyn were truly strong and courageous and if we could all communicate telepathically – I had to explain my new terms very carefully to them – we could do this: we could, in one day, stop doing all that we are doing for the men who think they be our masters.
“Imagine, you can imagine, I know, because you are afraid of what may happen, that takes imagination – so imagine what would happen to this World of Man. It would collapse, fall, because women supply everything here. We do most of the work and we are the main source of the economy.”
I keep on throwing these thoughts at them, confusing them and angering them. I can hear them discussing my words in hoarse, low tones at night in the cages. Some pass questions across to me, thus all become a little bit enlightened by the simple expedient that they must carry the exchanges across the floors of our cages. Some are excited at the possibilities, others warn of dire consequences. Predictably the greatest argument against my teaching is that girls and women would be tortured horribly all over the planet. They would all be killed for refusing orders from men.
“My come-back is simple if quite ineffective. “But what are they doing to us now already? Are they not killing us everywhere? Are we not sex slaves, worker slaves, fighter slaves with no right to life? Are they not raping our girls, our ‘daughters’ as if they had no feelings? Hurting, torturing them all the time? Ask all the young ones here, how many have not been gang-raped? Beaten? Have electrical shocks applied to their vaginas, nipples and lips just to hear them scream?
“Listen, don’t you know why men love to make you scream in pain? A woman’s voice is a necessary part of a man’s life on any world. But here they won’t let you speak openly. And they don’t let you sing at all under pain of death. These men are sick from not having your love, your gentle, naturally healing touch and from not hearing your voices. They hate you because of their laws, not because of you. Every day you are all around them, naked and beautiful and desirable – and they cannot have you as nature intended. They can only desire and when their urge is too strong to hold back, they violate their own taboos on sex and they rape you. No love for them, ever. It is not allowed.
“The only legal way they can hear you is by hurting you. Understand this. It’s not only the women who are slaves on this world. The men are even more so than us. They want to love us but their laws and social ways forbid them from doing so. They want to hear us sing – we have such beautiful voices! But they cannot, ever, hear us. So they live in their own kind of hurt, of terrible and deep heart pain – just like us! They close themselves to what is natural and normal and they live malevolent, angry lives. They too have forgotten what it was like before the black metal demons came. Now they blame us for their pain and they hurt us trying to make themselves feel better.
“Now listen to me on this. Do you think I be more courageous than all of you? Yet I speak of these things to all and do not fear. What if one of you was to tell the men what I am telling you? Do you know what they would do to me? And do you think I don’t know that? I’ve already been down in the torture dungeons and hurt more than I ever was fighting the men. Yet as you see, I am not afraid of them. It’s not because I am stronger. As my young friend here pointed out to me, they will kill me too and that soon I think. They get tired of us old ones. We become too tough and not so much fun. They know we kill efficiently and not so much money is made on the bets against us. So they will do something soon and I will die there, maybe in the next killing orgy.”
I can hear their intake of breath and the terrible silence that follows my mention of the orgy. We never speak of that terror, never. Yet again I broke one of their rules by showing them I was ready to face my death that way. I have to show them I am more than just another strong fighter. I have to give them hope before I die and when I do they must know that it is not the end of me. I am thankful for my training in Altarian logic. And many other things these poor people do not have a clue about yet.
To all of this, much more and repetitively, Tiki listens. I can feel her tensing at times, and wanting to speak but even here in these dreadful compounds there is an order. When the older women engage certain topics among themselves, the young stay quiet. They are expected to listen but may never interrupt. Those who do are quietly but viciously “punished” by the older ones in the training compounds. When they are punished, they know why. Thus the women discipline ‘their’ children even under these circumstances. Of course of those we are given, we can discipline freely. They are our slaves.
End blog post #64