If Only I still had Faith!

A poem by Sha’Tara

If only I still had my childhood faith!
If only I could still believe as I did then!
I would storm the gates of heaven,
I would be a Greta Thunberg
Sitting day after day on the cold stones
Watching souls come and go; praying,
Wishing, hoping, thinking, dreaming!

Then after forty days and nights
I would stand in my hunger and thirst,
In my destitution and my unbearable pain,
Turn to those cold pearly gates
And I would yell for God, yell and scream!
I would call Him, curse Him, revile Him
With every vile name under the heavens,
Throwing myself against the bars
Leaving trails of blood dripping down
Upon those hard, cold stones.

If only I still had my faith, if only!

27 thoughts on “If Only I still had Faith!

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Of course. I was thinking in terms of her beginnings, as she sat day after day by the entrance to her parliament buildings. You have to start somewhere…

      Reply
      1. Sha'Tara Post author

        Yes… but what is reality? Like asking ‘what is truth’ or ‘what is morality’ for we all see reality differently. My reality comprises times, histories, events no one else knows anything about. There is, of course, group think, consensus reality or collective awareness but that’s a very limited type of “reality” subject to change without notice. Many things are simply conveniently, usefully, real. Of course there is a material, physical reality but that is the most restrictive reality of all.

  1. selizabryangmailcom

    Very passionate. You remind me of what Mother Teresa said shortly before she passed away: that she (sic) didn’t feel God’s presence at all. One of the last things one would expect coming from such a humanitarian nun. I don’t know if she ever explained it. I wonder if humanitarianism or philanthropy or Bodhisattvaism are so focused on the compassionate care of others that an elusive, invisible, problematic and far-away “God” gets somewhat buried, let’s say, under the bigger, more pressing concerns of the day. Or if, because the worldly suffering just seemed to be never-ending, she felt abandoned. Either scenario could cause a great amount of bitter anger, that’s for sure. The universe can seem very cold and uncaring.

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Thanks for commenting, Seliza. Passionate, me? I used to write my life’s purpose, compassion, as an imperative statement: “Come, Passion!” I still do not doubt that God exists and that’s part of the battle. Halfway through my life, God became the great Enemy and Satan but his Mike Pence sidekick. When I refer to my childhood faith, I’m speaking of a time when I still believed it would be possible to meet with God in a normal sort of way, one on one, so I could hear his side of the story – there never was any doubt what my side was. I challenged him and got no response. Anyone in my life who chooses not to respond when I ask for a meeting of minds is automatically written off – forever. That doesn’t mean I believe they no longer exist, it’s just that I choose to set us both free from one-another. God will continue to be what he is until he no longer can hide his depravity behind multi-billion dollar institutions and political movements. He’ll move on and Earth will regain her freedom. I fully expect to participate in such a freedom fight time. Not in this life of course, but it will happen. Crazy? In the inimitable and unforgettable words of the greatest detective of all times, Harry Crumb, “Crazy as a fox!”

      Reply
  2. Pingback: If Only I still had Faith! | ~Burning Woman~ | AGR Daily News

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      What keeps me passionate, George, is I believe EVERYTHING. I just don’t believe IN ANYTHING. You see, once you believe IN something (or someone) you’re trapped by your own belief system. That thing or person now owns you and they can control you. My answer usually is “I believe that you believe that. You have every right to believe that and I have every right to believe whatever I want to believe, just as you do. You may, as an example, believe that Americans actually landed on the moon and returned in 1969. I choose to believe that such a feat was only possible in a Hollywood movie production. Before you blow up at me, what am I saying that should upset you? Further, how has yes/no moon landings made this world a better and safer place to live in? I set my priorities on what makes life better for all peoples of earth, not just for well-place fat cats. 1969 was another desperate time for the US MIC with the Vietnam war. It needed a serious false flag to bolster patriotism and faith in the draft while taking attention away from a losing proposition to one that was being won under the limelight of glory and fame. See?” Then it’s a simple matter of walking away from ensuing and pointless arguments. One can be passionate without being argumentative or evasive.

      Reply
      1. wolfess

        “It needed a serious false flag to bolster patriotism and faith in the draft while taking attention away from a losing proposition to one that was being won under the limelight of glory and fame.” And they have used that ‘propaganda’ in every ‘police action’ since Vietnam.

  3. Phil Huston

    Thewre’s a great song by Canada’s own Burton Cummings called “I’m Scared” along the same lines of asking for an answer. “Never been much on religion but I should would like to hear you call.”

    Reply
    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      The Earthian character who reminds me the most of God is… Donald Trump. I don’t mean that as praise for either God or Trump. Just that they have a lot in common. Still I’d like to see God take to tweeting why we should worship and revere him more and keep reminding us of what a great job he’s doing on this world.

      Reply
      1. wolfess

        Back in a past life I was a ‘born-again christian’ — that changed when the fundamentalist church I attended decided they were going to have a very young youth choir; Jonathon (my son) was 6 years old at the time so I asked if he could join. He went to practice and even got to sing in front of the congregation ONE time and then the ministers called to meet with us about how Jon upset some of the congregants — he is severely mentally disabled — so he could still go to practice but couldn’t go up in front and sing until his singing improved. I seriously prayed for understanding … right up until the next time they sang — I was late getting out of sunday school and when I came upstairs I was forced to see Jon being held by his arms — sobbing — b/c the girl wouldn’t let him move. I went home and wrote a letter — using bible verses — and showed it to Jon’s father; he suggested I put cc:att’y at the bottom. I handed the letter out the next night to the 3 ‘ministers’ and the church board. The ministers called to set up another meeting with us and the first thing out of the head minister’s mouth was “We didn’t mean to discriminate against Jon!” I didn’t say one word about discrimination but they sure as hell knew that was what they had done! So Jon got to go up and sing with his peers one more time and then they disbanded the choir b/c in all of their god-loving goodness they couldn’t deal with the possibility that their god had sent Jonathon to THEM to teach them something he wanted them to learn! So yeah, I decided that if that was an example of a ‘god-fearing christian’ I didn’t want to be one!

      2. Sha'Tara Post author

        Good ol’ WordPress strikes again, or is that strikes out. I found a couple of your replies in my spam folder when my brain prompted me to go look there. Anyway, what has always amazed me about religion and Christianity in particular is how natural it is to live a totally hypocritical life while surrounded by the trappings of godliness. Ah… woe unto you, Pharisees, hypocrites! You tie heavy loads upon peoples’ backs but your yourselves will not lift a finger to help them.”

      3. Sha'Tara Post author

        Oh, I see that my reply done from wherever inside the WP guts of my blog actually made it to this space. It’s a miracle! It’s a miracle… Praise the Bones!!!

      4. wolfess

        I’m gong to state right up-front here … I wonder if THIS comment will post as I’m finished with it. That being said, I have been known to say that if their ‘god’ is watching them he will rapture those who have been harmed by all those outstanding, god-fearing christians b/c it seems to me they have done more damage to his cause than any non-believer.

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Quantumplating life, are you Roger? Yes, I do have my personal “faith” to undergird what I believe (mostly) and know (to some extent) now. I found it emotionally stirring to contemplate how my childhood faith self would challenge God based on what I know and what I see happening now all around me. I was looking back to see what my life would be like now were I still under the influence of religion. At least I can say this much, there never was any room for doubt in my mind. All or nothing. Either it works or it doesn’t work. If it doesn’t work, it’s “fired”! Then I sought, and found, a whole new way to express the deepest longings of my heart.

      Reply
  4. Sha'Tara Post author

    Quote from “Wolfess” – “I have been known to say that if their ‘god’ is watching them he will rapture those who have been harmed by all those outstanding, god-fearing christians b/c it seems to me they have done more damage to his cause than any non-believer.”
    A very good point. Shall we wait and see? 🙂

    Reply

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