Late again… resuming blog posting of the “Manifesto”…
“You are too hard on yourself, almost to the point of blindness. If you refuse to see the good you have brought here by your sacrifices how will you ever succeed? Antierra – you will die in that arena, perhaps soon. The auto-med reports many failures in setting things to right in your body. The Warmo did things to you we cannot repair. Your heart is damaged but not all of your damage is physical, do you understand? You must regain control of yourself for this world still desperately needs you.
End blog post #84
Begin blog post #85
“By the standards of Hyrete fighters you are the longest surviving ever. Granted you began your fighting at an approximate age of twenty-five compared to the usual age of sixteen for regularly bred fighters. But that only means you had much less training and experience when you were pitted against some of the best challengers in the realm. Still, no fighter has ever lived past thirty in the official records. You are approximately thirty seven. Just a reminder to you that you held on in hope of accomplishing more. And you may yet.
“I’ve heard of your ‘Teaching’ among the women. The slave you call Tiki tried to explain it to YBA4 in the kitchens. I understand it not at all – seems foolishness to me, but I won’t be caught underestimating you again. Just be careful with that line of ‘work’ because the men are nervous and it would take but a spark to ignite a pogrom against all the females of this realm, perhaps in the entire world. You have brought all of us to a critical point. We are not all as certain of what lies beyond death as you are, you know. However short, however terrible its circumstances, life remains precious to us all.”
I know what he is saying. He looks so sad and I feel self-conscious and stupid for being the cause of so much upset. One of my Altarian elder teachers had given me the following proposition to work through:
- a) Prepare yourself with all the knowledge you can, train yourself in manifestation and self-regeneration, go to this world you speak of and cause the change you believe will help the people there and save your other world you call Earth, if that is what you know you must do.
- b) Follow the path of Ultimate Logic and close off the parts of your life that had anything to do with Earth and her stack worlds as you know them to exist. Take the rest cure you earned, change yourself and return to us for re-assignment when you feel ready for something else, perhaps somewhat less daunting? There are a number of worlds assigned to us now being terra-formed and populated. They could use your expertise.
“Know this, then: there is nothing anywhere that can be used to measure or determine which of your choices will cause the greatest ‘good’ in the aeons to follow. The good you choose to do today may be the great evil of tomorrow. The world you save today may become your nemesis of tomorrow. The evil you pursue to destroy may yet claim you also. Conversely if you do nothing, the results may still be the same. The question is for your mind alone. We can neither agree nor disagree with your choices. For at the avatar level of mind all choices you make are entirely your own and you live by them until you change them.”
I turn to the doctor again.
“I understand only too well Bal. Don’t you realize how much I wish I could do it all myself without involving others in the additional sacrifices demanded by planned change? That cannot be. As I chose then, they too must choose now. And so must the men. When a world succumbs to a particular evil, Bal, the people on that world must wake up to it and decide eventually to fight it or be destroyed by it. This is as true of individuals as it is of worlds. This I have seen in my travels. That was the fate of Old Earth: that her people refused to see the obvious evil that was destroying the fabric of their societies and continued in it long after there was even any point to it. Result? Billions died Bal. Billions! For nothing. It did not have to play out that way. There are always two paths for every ISSA. Always choice, always.”
Chapter 35 – Training Tiki – Clumsy Attempt on my Life
I am sad to leave the comfort of Bal’s place and the peace of mind given me by the Cydroids’ presence. But if I’m to remain here longer I have to return to the training compound; to my world. I walk slowly back unescorted as is now my unofficial ‘right’ to do. It’s the third day of the week, early morning and the sun is already beating down into the courtyards. Some passages are stifling hot.
Not much has changed, I notice as I re-enter the training areas. There has been some rain and the stones were swept clean and washed. The smell is a bit more tolerable and there’s a steady breeze blowing, cooling the space of reflected heat from the midday sun. The women are lined up, sparring savagely against each other, their white bodies shining with sweat. Some already have bloody cuts and black bruises. I may not have mentioned it before but many women die in these training sessions. Often the training is used as an excuse to kill a rival who may have ‘stolen’ a lover or to get rid of a suspected snitch. The hated woman will be fighting her opponent when set upon from behind by another trainee in league with her own opponent.
Training kills are superficially investigated and seldom punished. It is considered as maintenance costs. The male thinking is that any trainee who lets herself get killed in training wouldn’t be worth putting in the arena.
I introduce myself to the new trainers and am escorted to Delton’s office, the overseer. I bow to him and wait to be addressed.
“Hah, our killer slave return from dead. You look disgusting. I hear they be discussing your execution huh? Good. You past prime now. Die soon. Killing orgy, I be thinking. Good to watch. I get ticket, yeah. You be wanting?”
“I be wanting to train slave was in my cage, slave #1339-32-19?”
“Ah, that young one, she be good sex. I enjoy her much. Wiry bitch. Deek?” He yells out the door of the office to an assistant sitting at one of the tables playing cards. “Off your lazy ass. Get the ‘teela’ from kitchen, now!”
Within a couple of minutes he returns with Tiki in tow, dragging her roughly. She sees me and her face for a moment lights up then she also bows, hiding her face in her hair. Delton eyes her and is thinking to take her in front of me just for the malice of it. He senses I wouldn’t care and says: “Take the teela. Train good and I fight it myself, beat it down and fuck it for you. You watch.”
If I did not understand the ‘moods’ of Malefactus I would have been horrified at his whole attitude, indecency, crassness and hate. This is nothing to get twisted about. A man may be kind and considerate to you one day and treat you as filth the next. I take three ‘reverent’ steps backward, as does Tiki. Then we turn and walk to the end of the training line.
End blog post #85