The Self-Destruct Button

          [thoughts in the night, by Sha’Tara]

Oh hell! I  cried out loud to no one, in my small basement apartment and long after darkness had fallen accompanied by persistent clouds that dutifully hid moon and stars.

At least the orangy street lamp is working, casting a pale glow upon wet pavement and small pools. It’s the normal for this place, at this time of year – but it’s not what made me cry out.

What did make me cry out? A feeling, or a series of feelings feeding upon each other.

What sort of feeling/feelings? The sort you’re not supposed to have. The ones that want to probe the darkness and expose its lurid underbelly. The ones not politically correct. The ones that, upon reeling themselves back into the mind say, ah, screw it – everything is going to hell and none of it is fixable.

Let me explain myself to myself, and you can listen in. There is no philosophy grand enough to turn a people away from their fixation with the auto-destruct button once pointed in that direction, and let me tell you this: man’s current leadership has mastered the art of pointing: it’s called propaganda, only people call it news.

People are running, laughing, screaming, cursing, waving flags, cheering and booing their corrupt, psychopathic, perverted, misogynist, racist, elitist presidential and prime ministerial fodder to their destruction. They’re ready to maul and kill anyone who would stand in the way of their choice and they will most certainly destroy their living environment just to get to mash that shiny red button clearly marked “Self Destruct.”   

I took a break, it lasted a wee bit longer than anticipated, twenty four hours, in fact, but you never know with breaks, and now it’s over.

My feelings aren’t quite as raw as last night’s but I have no trouble getting them back. The world I’ve become aware of guarantees that.

 They say, and it’s a truism, that we are born to die. I’ve always been aware of that, the one thing we know for sure isn’t fake news. Our body gives us so many years to play at being alive then it conks out, or peters out…

 Thing is, unless we’re suicidal we don’t have much control over the “when” of death. That means I can’t just decide, today, to call it quits, to say ‘enough is enough’ and walk away. I mean I could, it’s called losing interest in everything, but I don’t think I’m made that way. The awake mind is a curious thing, a questing thing, the puzzle solver, the riddle master. For every answer it will throw up a dozen more questions and the rabbit hole only gets deeper.  

 To the question then, why are people in general so eager to test the apocalypse switch? Why the general group think to end it all? Just to see the fireworks? Or, as some claim, is it that at the heart of every Earthian is the false hope, belief, or faith, that it only happens to the other and “I” will remain alive to watch the horror show from the comfort of my Lazy-boy chair or leaning on the railing of the patio of my friend’s 8th floor apartment?

 “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Could it be that the vast majority of Earthians,  believers or not, actually ascribe to this patently false biblical claim? Could this false reality exist as a necessary part of the programming?

I – Don’t – Know! I don’t have an answer to that one.

 But that takes me back to my desire to scream. Personally, I don’t want to see, or experience, any sort of apocalypse. It’s a truly dumb idea. Do you want to participate in one? Do you believe the fairy tale that “you” can survive it? If you did, what would be the point? Alone on a devastated world, what sort of end could you imagine for yourself in the aftermath? Or are you of those benighted who believe some god is going to see to it personally that you are spared the gruesome aspects and install you on your own private cloud space to watch the horror show and “REJOICE!” even at the bloodbath put on for your own entertainment?

          I believe we, as relatively intelligent creatures, can not only switch from apocalyptic thinking but change the world to become an unrecognizable reality: literally a paradise. People who think like this are usually called naïve, utopians, dreamers. Again, the group think is, “can’t happen so forget it.”  The same individuals who believe in survival also believe an apocalypse is inevitable and often do all in their power to bring it about. 

What does that say about that sort of thinking? What do you call someone desperate to survive, to live as long as physically possible, yet nurturing apocalyptic thinking, of total decimation of a world? Doublethink or cognitive dissonance? Either way, not logical.

Could we have a utopia on Earth? Of course. Not only that but bringing about a utopia is a much easier task than bringing about an apocalypse. Apocalypses are costly, complex, messy, bloody and ultimately pointless affairs. All a utopia needs is for individuals, of their own free will, to become compassionate then let compassion demonstrate the way out of all the violence, the greed, the lust, the infamy, the corruption, the innate selfishness that are now growing together like dark storm clouds to pave the way for the apocalypse, for the end.

It’s simple enough, too simple maybe. 

and… PS, not a great piece of writing but food for thought, perhaps? 



23 thoughts on “The Self-Destruct Button

  1. Hyperion

    What a mess we got ourselves into Sha’Tara. The false reality has nearly everyone by the brain stem and won’t let go. Here is some interesting news I learned from a university sociology researcher. 75% of the world’s Baby Boomers are dead. GenX and Millennials make up about 50% of the world population and their kids, GenA, makes up about 20% and the rest fall into pre-Boomer Eldergenarian status. Interestingly enough, 84% of Millennials said they are not like other Millennials. GenX and Millennials are now taking the reigns away from the remaining silverbacks and changing the paradigm of the world order. They are less afraid of breaking with tradition and willing to explore taboos with mainstream Indiana Jones gusto. They can descend into chaos or save the world. It’s their turn to have a go at it. I am a dinosaur and soon my bones will be ash and earth. The patriarchy will follow along to the grave with religions, outdated morals, and victorian ethics. While Rome entertained orgy’s with the Emperor’s wife on the Senate floor, the Indo-Germanic tribes saw their chance and rode into town unannounced. The rest is history. To hell with history and me, the emerging majority determine the next phase of their future. I say we give them kind opinions and wish them well. Now, if I could just find my hearing aids and glasses, I’d have a good debate with myself. We’ll get there in time. We have no idea what potential the GenA’s will bring. It could be that compassionate population we seek.

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Whether they catch on to the “power of the force of compassion” by breaking free of the standard programming… only time can tell. Will that generation “get it” that only through self empowerment can significant change come about?

      1. Hyperion

        I think with your voice and others like yourself, compassion could spread like roots of a forest. We don’t see that neural network of interconnectivity in the forest but we can see the beauty of trees. It’s possible, as compassion for one another spreads and grows, we’ll see it in the health and happiness of the people and in the communities well cared for. Ha! That’s my dream, I don’t mind sharing.

      2. Hyperion

        My pleasure Sha’Tara. I want to remain cautiously optimistic. We do sometimes discuss, as with this post, our dismay at what today’s earthian represents for the world’s future. I prefer your world of compassion over any other option. I get lost at times because my past is real to me and the mindset I possessed was unawakened but it was that past that finally awakened me because I knew how intrinsically wrong it was. There is a certain compartmentalization of opposing thoughts wandering around in my head. As confusing as that state of pushme-pullyou is, I can always clearly see that community of compassion is the only path out of the quagmire we have created for ourselves. And, I’m not a big fan of exporting that quagmire seed to other planets.

      3. Sha'Tara Post author

        Thanks again, Daniel. This is good, I think, how we interact, exchanging thoughts, adding information into our “planetary neural network” so to speak, changing the pattern if ever so slightly. Cautiously optimistic is good. Better than what I can manage I think. I see an axe coming down but you are just pushing the waters up bit by bit, allowing them a chance to run up, or swim to higher ground. That’s humane…
        Quote: “I’m not a big fan of exporting that quagmire seed to other planets.” I am quite sure that will not be allowed to happen. There are safeguards against that, at least so I was assured of many decades ago. Biological life carrying capability in space flight will fail if it is attempted. Claims of manned stations on the moon or Mars are fraudulent. My “inside” information tells me that man has never set foot on the moon, all claims to the contrary. No space vehicle as designed by man on earth has the capability to withstand the high dosage of nuclear radiation put out by the Van Allen belts and raw solar output outside of Earth’s atmosphere – definitely not in 1969! It was a great scam cooked up by NASA, the CIA, the Pentagon and the White House, with the media only too happy to participate in a major “coup” and Hollywood reaping the profits for their “Wag the Dog” performance. There was at least one other time when man attempted to blast off into space. The incident is known in the Bible as “the tower of Babel;” a nice piece of mass disinformation. Anyhow, we’re not taking our murderous ways to other worlds. We will, but only after a new civilization of true humans has established itself here and everything ascribable to this current civilization has been destroyed, annihilated. Don’t take my word for the moon thing, there’s lots of very credible information available on the subject of “the fake moon landings” just as there is on the inside job dealing with the planned implosion of those three high rises on Sept. 11, 2001. The moon landings will likely remain in the history books but there is now a good chance the 9-11 murderous hoax will be exposed… unless Trump becomes dictator and those brave enough to testify against government corruption are jailed for life as is Julian Assange.

      4. Hyperion

        Radiation is definitely high out there and impossible to survive unless you are a Water Bear/ tardigarde. I have a lot of respect for those tough little rascals. Too ugly to be a pet tho.. I think in time we will get to the bottom of a lot of lies the gov has told over the last century. The gov lies when the truth would sound better. It will take time, but it will come out. Sadly, not one conspirator or lier will ever pay for their crimes against humanity. Nope, only the poor and insignificant are ever brought to justice. I believe Assange knew what he was doing. He knew the risks and there is no doubt about Chelsea Manning knowing the risks. There is a saying attributed to Nathan Hale when caught by the British spying for the Revolutionary’s. He’s last words were later debunked as a lie but it made a great rally cry during the war for independence. He was rumored to have said he regretted he had but one life to give to his country and then he was hanged. Chelsea Manning knew she had a hanging waiting as did Assange but, they did it anyway. One could call them true heroes but as usual, there is no consensus on that and any one that follows in their footsteps can expect the same until all the silent crickets wake up and take back the power they gave up to live in silence. The world picks and chooses what they want to rally behind. In the space in between, the Dark Lords of Subterfuge live in greedy comfort.

  2. rawgod

    At this point, S’T, I doubt if even compassion can save us. I would love it if something could, and I once believed something would: something I called spiritual evolution. But it isn’t hard to see the writing on the wall.
    To be aware of life, one needs must be aware of death. Death hangs heavy on the horizon. My spirit hangs heavy on my heart.

  3. Sha'Tara Post author

    Thanks for commenting, rawgod, and in terms of feelings, that makes two of us. I hold no hope for change but I cannot hold back on the antidote to apocalypse as I know it to exist. I can believe nothing can prevent a massive and horrible collapse of civilization; I too can readily see the writing on the wall from man’s actions and non-action, and from the planet’s ever more obvious reactions. I “know” what’s coming but at the same time, should anyone be listening, I must leave the outcome open-ended. Hype says give them kind opinions and wish them well (the younger generation, that is)… to me that would be lying but I give them warning and a potential antidote, that is the best I can do this time around. Next time… is next time.

  4. Phil Huston

    One of these days you’re going to bundle up some of these shorts and let me edit them down to BAM. Because that’s what you do best, BAM. Then like a good protestant preacher you beat it to death. BAM is BAM. Is just is. Know what I mean? BAM. Next.

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Without imposing on your time, for the halibut I’d like to see you edit one of them down to “BAM”. Send me your email at and I’ll send you a short one then I’ll see what I think of the results. You’d be OK if I didn’t like it?

      1. Phil Huston

        I’d be fine with that. I don’t want to step on the message, I want that opening setting to flow like glass getting to it. And then let your call and response to yourself tighten up.

      2. Sha'Tara Post author

        Great and wow! Do you want to grab one off the blog or do I send you a personal choice? Either way works for me. What I think would be super cool is if I like the results, we post it on the blog… I went through computer/tablet/phone upgrades and my email addresses got lost, so if you want me to send you a file, use my email address to send me yours (some people are touchy about publicizing their email).

  5. deteremineddespitewp

    It would seem to be when you get to the stage when you start to envisage the end of this life is going to be here sooner rather than later to keep perspective, productive and not lapse into simple angry bitterness because you are scared you need to shift focus.
    A while ago I concluded Life is…..Just ‘because’. It’s part of the way The Universe is organised, and we’ve yet to figure out what part, we may never get there. We, here on this planet, may never get there because we may fail to evolve to have our baser instincts are under control.
    In the meantime, like every other creature we try and survive, and if we want to make that survival worthwhile we try and help others survive.
    Of course if WE don’t get that message and WE want to follow shallow incompetents and pretend everything is fine with the world….then WE’re screwed…end of us.
    Me, I have to try and get the four volumes completed before either my body shuts down (can happen to us all, any time ,anywhere) or some bunch of fools cause irreparable damage (and I don’t necessarily mean leaders either)

    1. Sha'Tara Post author

      Physical life comes without guarantees. Some of us however awaken, or clue in, to the fact that life isn’t so cheap that all it provides is a few meaningless years of physical activity. While I reject the concept of physical evolution (there is adaptation, certainly and that which does not adapt, dies), I am fully cognizant of evolution in the mind realm. Death (which is basically right around the bend now for me) is an adventure if one is prepared. It’s the doorway to transformation. I now see these physical lives we experience as a time of choice, a time when we repeat… “What do I want to be when I grow up?” and growing up means that moment beyond physical termination when I enter my chosen new field of experience. I have often explained to people that death is like going to the airport. You can arrive with a passport, a destination, a ticket and the means to see you there. Or you can arrive without a clue, knowing only that a taxi drove you to the airport and someone pointed you to the ticket counter. Guess who’s getting on the plane? What happens now to miss “without a clue” since this is always a one-way affair? Remember those men and women on “Malefactus” going through their ridiculous and horrid lives? They were the ones who arrived at the airport without any preparation. They’re the candidates for the “Stack Worlds” as the Teachers put it.

      1. deteremineddespitewp

        I’m with your there Sha’ Tara that ‘Death’ as opposed to its manner is an adventure. Where do we go from there?
        I would like to be able to ‘fly’ around the Solar System and visit the myriad wonders, but maybe things don’t work that way.
        One thing which will never trouble me is the Why of being here…The answer is always for the same reason there are sub-atomic particles, molecules, complex structures, planets, star-systems, galaxies, clusters of galaxies and super-clusters of galaxies…..Because.

      2. Sha'Tara Post author

        You’re so right. Why? There is no ‘why’. We’re part of a process within an event so awesome we can wander in it filled with our own awe… forever!

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