(from blog post #69…)
I have resolved this moral question in my mind thus. If I perform an evil act against another to prevent a greater evil, that is acceptable providing such an act, if successful, does not in any way benefit me personally. Ideally such an act would bring about the desired effect while I, like the Phoenix, would be sacrificed in its fiery wake. It is important to understand this when faced with all such moral dilemmas. If I survive the ‘doing right by wrong’ act, I must atone for my part in it. If it benefits me, I must divest myself entirely of any and all such gain.
Having reminded myself of this process in my mind, I continue explaining these difficult concepts.
End blog post #69
Begin blog post #70
“This I know Tiki. I not do it to please me. I not do it to hurt man. I not do it to show me is better fighter. I do it to teach. I do it for all women. I know, after I kill Warmo, I die soon. Is my way to say I sorry for killing. I not take pleasure of killing in my heart or mind when I leave. I be free of all killing suffering. And I be free of sorrow.”
“Sorrow mean pain, suffering?”
“No. Sorrow mean you feel all pain and suffering other feel, not you. You take to you what other feel, like Cholradil, only you do because you choose to do, not because your heart make you. Sorrow is great secret power. You know good feeling? Pleasure?”
“Yes, like you give to me. Good feeling. I happy with you.”
“There is greater good than this feeling Tiki. There is what great spirits call ‘joy.’ Is happy in all things, all time, no matter feel good or bad, still always happy. Now I teach you something only great spirits know. If you accept sorrow in heart, other suffering, other pain, take to you like hurt child, then when it settles down to nipple to suckle milk, it change. It become joy to you, see? Child change hurt to happy inside you. No need for outside change. This happen inside. Joy always inside, never outside.”
“Huhmmm…?” She taps my arm again, indicating she does not understand.
“I explain this way. You outside in cold rain naked. Feel bad. Many other women outside in cold rain also. All feel bad. You say, ‘Tiki, you forget your feel bad, take all other feel bad from other people, put inside your heart to make all feel better.’ Now you feel terrible pain; now all the people pain inside Tiki heart. Now you hold pain there, like baby in stomach. Feel sorry for all the pain. What happen is soon you feel warm, even in cold rain. No longer is cold rain hurting Tiki. Soon other people they not feel cold rain so much. Tiki make miracle; take cold rain, change to better. This called ‘compassion’ and this all great spirits have for healing all hurt and suffering. So great spirits they not hurt or suffer but they have deep sorrow and this turn to joy in great spirit heart. Secret power; greatest power in the All World.
“This power where I come from long, long ago; where also much suffering; we call true love. Not many great spirits in worlds. Not many understand. Right name for true love is compassion. You understand this?”
“Com – pash – shon. True love. I not feel sorry for Tiki, only for other have pain. Have to be very strong woman to have com… pashon. If all pain is because people do evil, still have compashon, still love people? Still take people pain in heart to heal and find happy joy?”
“Tiki very intelligent and understand. That is how it supposed to work. Yes, take very, very strong woman to do real love. Not many strong people like that. Not many are compassionate people.”
“Compashonat? Compashon is name thing; is have thing. Compashonat is being thing, yes?”
‘Amazing,’ I think to myself.
All the while we are talking low; while the storm is slowly abating and we are wrapped in the warm fresh straw and the warmth of our bodies I can visualize her eyes shining in the dark with each input of new information, each new idea, each new concept. I can feel her surging with the anticipation that these teachings will change her life and her world. It is as if I had introduced her to a new magic weapon to train on and take with her in the arena to defeat her opponents.
In Tiki’s mind there is yet no place for personal defeat. All she knows of life comes down to this: being abused and hurt, fighting back, rolling with the punches, overcoming every odd by whatever means and rising to the surface to breathe fresh air. Push her under and like a balloon she will surface between your arms, or somewhere else but she will surface.
Yes, this one is the Gift. Now a great part of my quest on T’Sing Tarleyn, land of man; T’Sing Taleya, land of woman; T’Sing Tallala, land of Freedom and Hope, is accomplished. I’m reaching the bottom of my personal ledger for my own fulfillment of promises.
In the dark while Tiki slides off my body to lay beside me to cradle her head in the comfortable hollow of my shoulder and sleep, I bow silently and offer my own sacred prayer. ‘To whomever may hear, or care, help me to not fail in my last steps. Help me to climb that steep stone stairway where the priest waits with the ritual knife of holy sacrifice. Let my offering be pure.’
The wind moans and a tear in the clouds reveals the wan light of Albaral for a brief moment. Another portent? A warning, yes. A deadly warning. Something, someone, knows of my intent for this world and for Earth and is doing everything it knows how to defeat me in my intent. Ah well, I’m sure that on some etheric plane, as we battle for the souls of worlds, we are evenly matched. As evenly matched as I with Warmo on this plane.
Thus I close my thoughts and slip into gentle, dreamless sleep. I have finally found a moment of peace on Malefactus, thanks to these two extremes: the Warmo on one end of the see-saw, I on the other end, and Tiki and all the women of Malefactus as fulcrum in the middle.
End blog post #70