… Five, by empowering myself to reject any and all temptations put forth during my ‘in-between’ times by those who would buy me out or destroy me. For it is true that all of us are constantly being watched by the forces we come upon and challenge. Every battle we fight in the flesh is a battle we have already fought, are fighting, must continue to fight in spirit.
End blog post #87
Begin blog post #88
Chapter 36 – “Stupid Speak” in the Cages – More of ‘The Teaching’
Due to the oppressive heat we are ordered to close the training earlier than usual and allowed to spend more time at the wash troughs. The women eagerly wash each other and would be laughing happily were it allowed. Tiki and Swala are playing with each other in the water until a couple of guards walk by and take them inside a small hut constructed of plain grey plasglas – a typical movable guard station. They return a while later and I can just imagine how hot it must have been in there with those men. It’s time to eat and I am starving.
The food, whatever it is, tastes as great as any I’ve ever eaten. I quietly thank the young girl who brings it and ask her to pass my thanks to all kitchen staff. She smiles shyly and as is their habit, rubs her head against my shoulder, letting it linger there a few precious seconds. “Absorbing” my strength, I know. I let my inner energy flow into her and can feel the difference as she takes it in. They do know this trick, it’s not just a belief of theirs. I wonder if it’s because they cannot speak freely they developed this power? It’s the same concept as using hands and movements of the head to communicate when words are too dangerous to use. Also, as I mentioned before, they use a quick rhythmic tapping upon the arm to indicate they do not understand something.
The meal over we are quickly and quietly ordered to our cages. We lay on the straw, sweating, waiting. The storm has moved in now and we hear the first distant rumblings of thunder. It suddenly gets darker so we know the black roiling clouds have reached over to cover the sun. The thunder gets closer and louder and now we can see reflections from flashes of lightning. A hot breeze flows through the cages – our handlers having had the decency to leave the heavy doors open to create drafts. We remain quiet and expectant as the thunder continues to rumble. A bright flash immediately followed by a rumble and concussion tells us another part of the keep has been hit. Soon there is the cry of men running and we hear carriages whining by. I worry about Balomo and the Cydroids while most of the women are hoping the lightning destroyed the inquisition’s dungeons.
More lightning strikes and rumbles of falling stones tell us major damage is being done to parts of the keep. It reminds me of bombardments during my brief years in the Melkiar invasions. You crouch and hope you’re not the target. Unlike then, I cannot run. I cannot take my troops to safer grounds here. We are prisoners in an old castle whose walls could topple upon us if the heavenly bombardment followed by its concussive blasts repeats much longer. I’ve seen the cracks and done mind sweeps of this place. The entire structure is weakening with each passing season.
One good thing about all this commotion, we can freely talk as the men are busy saving their hides or digging each other out of rubble and the noise covers our voices. I call the women closest to Tiki and I and we ‘introduce’ ourselves formally, using our women names.
Suddenly unsure as how to proceed, I sense so much expectation from them, I begin thus, “What women of T’Sing Tarleyn want more than anything?”
“Want alla! (freedom, pron. ‘aya’). Want no more beatings, killings. Want children. Want family. Want safe place. Want home.” These were the main “wants” I identified among the many, all of which were legitimate. At least they had some idea that what they were experiencing was not normal; not what they were supposed to experience. They had thought about it and knew life was supposed to give them better things than what they were given. I ask,
“How women get good things, you think?”
They had ideas on that too.
“If men all gone, we free. If goddess kill all men, this our land then. We no more kill. Have children by river, be happy. Grow food as did long, long ago. Build houses, be safe. If men come, we kill. No more they take us, no more.”
They raise their voices in anger and I ask the few near me to quieten them just in case. Then I pose the obvious devil’s advocate question:
“If no men, how make babies? How have children? Babies, children, they come from man seed, yes?”
“Goddess make seed, make babies for us. We not need men; not have evil babies from evil men.”
I reply, “Goddess not make seed. Goddess make love. Goddess, she fight against evil men long ago, they win, see? Goddess not evil warrior, not fighter. You think maybe problem not from men but from other very evil beast? Twist, destroy men heart so they no feel woman pain, woman love?”
A woman hidden in the dark behind me says, “This hard to know. We know men evil. Kill women, always. No woman free here. Is women free other place, Anti?”
“Some place, yes, women free like men. No difference. No hate, no fighting, no killing. Not many place yet. But problem here, not other place. Must fix problem here. Like broken thing. Cannot leave broken thing here to find good one other place. Must fix here, now. Cannot go to other place to live. Cannot leave here, see? This your world. If men no fix, then women, they fix. How women fix this world?”
“Women no can fix. No power. Goddess must fix for women. She good. She strong, powerful in sky boat…”
I stop that line of reasoning sharply: “You forget. She be beaten in sky boat. Gone down in desert long ago. Evil machine men, they enslave all women and children then. Goddess no help then. Be no help without all women with her; all women. This very important.”
“How we with her? If she dead, we be dead too?”
“She not dead,” I reply, “she in bad dream. All women together, they awake her from bad dream. Take long, long time. But first women must awake from same bad dream. This men do here, is bad dream. Not real. Is evil, evil never real, not like dirt, straw, cloud, food or love. Evil only real if women think it real. Evil power is in weak thinking.
“Evil not grow here. Always from other place it come. From skies, from stars far away. This evil, it eat good part of men heart, make evil. If evil beaten, men awake too, no longer evil. No longer hurt women. This women must understand.
“Listen: is evil, not man-evil must fight. Fight real challenger, not shadow. Women, they fight shadow of evil in men, kill men, evil not die, just shadow die. Evil go into other men. Always make more evil.”
“Good, we know now. How we fight evil, not shadow-evil?”
“Very hard. Take very strong woman to do. First, must have no man-evil in woman heart. No man-hate. No man-fear. Must have only knowing. Un-der-standing. A-ware-ness. Must know woman heart. True. Clean, like wash. No evil in woman heart. That be first thing. Is possible this?”
“Is not possible, Anti. If we no hate men, no kill men, we killed. If we no work when men say ‘work’ we killed. If we refuse men sex, we forced, gang-raped, flogged, killed. Soon, no woman, no children alive on T’Sing Tarleyn. Only stupid men. If we not do bad to men, this they hate more than if we do bad. How you say? Men, they want women hurt them too. They like hurt. They crazy. How you fix crazy? Must kill crazy.”
How to explain my particular conundrum of ‘compromised morality’ or doing good by wrong concept to these simple minds? I must be really dense not to see the obvious here. They are innocents. They would understand me if I could bring my knowledge to their experience.
And suddenly, in this dark cage surrounded by so much despair blended in so much newly awakened hope I understand the failure of so many Teachers in so many incarnations on so many human worlds. It is their inability to climb to the top of this mountain and face the real scaffold: that we have less awareness than they have.
The difference between I and them is obvious to me in this moment. They are more intelligent than I, being in their own element. They are better equipped to understand. They are more aware of the obvious. And certainly they have more experience. So what do they need of me? They need the catalyst, that which forces change. That’s all I am. I have to put myself in the center of this latent force to create the explosion. I am the mine that causes the avalanche; the detonator that causes the charge to blow.
End blog post #88